Role Play Reflection and Self Critique

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16th Apr 2018 Psychology Reference this

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Self-Critique

Pillay Sheryl

Interpersonal Communication

Tania Holz

The aim of this assignment is to write a self-critique based on a role play, and reflect critically upon my strengths and limitations, that relates to the theory and knowledge regarding the use of communication and interpersonal skills, and how and when to build rapport, empathy, listening and active listening communications within a role-play. I felt it is important for me to progress my ability to pay attention to other people more by considering their purpose and opinions before I respond. My current level of actively listening is lacking in regards to theory. For example the role play is between a lady and I, whom I met for the first time whilst travelling to college. She has two children and is finding it difficult to balance life, between family and work. In the conversation we had it is obvious that the interpersonal skills which are located in the video are broken down into rapport building, empathy and active listening and there processes to effective communication. 

Rapport

Rapport is the on-going and continuous skill we rely on when we engage with others. Rapport is essential for the maintenance of a good relationship and is essential at the start of a new relationship. On first meeting someone, our conversation tends to be centered on things we have in common. We exchange information and we attempt to explore and discover what we have in common. Through the discovery of our commonalities, we test one another and are better able to determine how similar our attitudes and values are to theirs and soon we form a first impression. (Holz, 2015).

According to (Robbins,1986, p. 207)” rapport is the ability to enter someone else’s world, to make her feel that you understand her, that you have a strong common bond. It’s the ability to go fully from your map of the world to her map of the world. It is the essence of successful communication,” (Robbins, 1986, cited in Holz. 2015).

According to Hargie(1999) it is significant that suitable body linguistic is used; when immediately evaluate what body language is telling us, we may take more persuasion with vocal message. When there is a discrepancy between your body language and what you are actually saying, then the person we are connecting with will believe the body language. Building rapport begins with exhibiting suitable body language – being friendly, comfortable and opens (Hargie, 1999)

As well as being considerate and corresponding appropriate body language with the person we are connecting with, it benefits if we can also match their words.Mirroring and making sure what has been said are valuable strategies for recapping what has been said by the other person.It will approve that you are listening but it will also give you a chance to use the words and phases of the other individual.

The way in which we use our voice is vital in increasing rapport. When we are anxious or nervous we tend to speak more fast, this in turn can make you seem anxious and worried. We can differ our vocal sound, tone, volume and pace in methods to make what we are saying more stimulating but also to come across as more calm, open and welcoming. One shouldtry lowering their tone, talk more slowly and softly, this will help you develop rapport more easily (Hargie, 1999)

Listening

According to Hargie (1999), when we communicate with someone we also listen at the simultaneously for a response. When we listen we assess in order to plan our response. Sometimes we can procrastinate before the other person has completed talking and hence we may not be listening efficiently to the next person.

Hartley (1999), details two other barriers to effective listening. One is verbal encounters. Instead of listening to somebody we are question what the individual is saying, whilst they are trying to say I what is on their mind, and then we lose track of what the person is trying to saying. Then a problematic event arises and we need to find facts where we lose sight of the whole message while we are busy trying to focus on the evidences of the conversation. Effective conduct with effective listening contains being open to the person, sustaining attention to the person, move away from interruptions and the postponement of a response until you have clear understanding of what has been said to you (Hartley,1999, p. 57)

Active Listening

Hartley (1999) describes active listening as: You need to inspire the person to talk and demonstration that you are giving them your full attention. This is while you are observing and processing the info that they are conveying (Hartley, 1999, p. 59)

Empathy

According to DeVito (2014), Empathy and Empathic Listening, is the ability to try and feel what the other person is feeling and to see the situation as he or she does. Try to see the situation as punctuated by the other person and how this differs from your own punctuation (DeVito, 1992, p. 101).

According to Bolton (1987) there are three components that define empathy: “The empathic individual has a delicate and precise understanding of the other person’s emotional state while upholding certain disconnectedness from the other person. Empathy means accepting the situation that subsidizes to the “triggered” emotional state. The empathic individual connects with the other person in such a way that, that person feels accepted and understood,” (Bolton, 1987, cited in Holz, 2015).

When Sandra sat next to me on the gastrin, she greeted me with a friendly smile and it was easy to start a conversation. She mentioned that she had seen me before, and that she had just lost her husband three months ago. Rapport is the on-going and continuous skill we rely on when we engage with others. Rapport is essential for the maintenance of a good relationship and is essential at the start of a new relationship. On first meeting someone, our conversation tends to be centered on things we have in common.

I mentioned to her that I live in Midland and told her where I lived exactly, to my surprise we both live in the same street and Sandra noticed me at the Spar shopping center. We exchange information and we attempt to explore and discover what we have in common. Through the discovery of our commonalities, we test one another and are better able to determine how similar our attitudes and values are to theirs and soon we formed a first impression.

It is significant that suitable body linguistic is used; we immediately evaluate what body language is telling us, we may take more persuasion with vocal messages. When there is a discrepancy between your body language and what you are actually saying, then the person we are connecting with will believe the body language instead.

Sandra look exhausted and it seemed to me that her hair was not combed, yet she had a smile on her face and I was not sure if I could ask her if she was okay. Since it was too soon for me to be placing judgements, however I felt empathy toward her.

Being considerate and corresponding appropriate body language with the person we are connecting with, it benefits if we can also match their words.Mirroring and illuminating what has been said, are valuable strategies for recapping what has been said by the other person.It will approve that you are listening but it will also give you an opportunity to use the words and segments of the other individual.

I leaned forward and looked into her eyes and said to her “you said you had seen me before, where did you see me, you too look rather familiar too?”

The way in which we use our voice is vital in increasing rapport. When we are anxious or nervous we tend to speak more fast, this in turn can make you seem anxious and worried. You can change our tone, volume and speed in means to make what we are saying more exciting but also to come across as being calm, open and friendly. One shouldtry lowering their voice, and talk more slowly and softly, this enable you to build rapport..

I spoke in a very soft tone, but Sandra could not hear me properly since there were a lot of people talking around us, as well as the noise from the gautrain hampered our conversation. However she mentioned where she had seen me and the difficulties she going through. It was evident that she was at her lowest point and was trying to cope with life. She had just lost her husband and was barely coping.

According to DeVito (2014), Empathy and Empathic Listening, is the ability to try and feel what the other person is feeling and to see the situation as he or she does. Try to see the situation as punctuated by the other person and how this differs from your own punctuation (DeVito, 2014, p. 101).

I could relate to her lost since I have lost my sister also in a car accident too, and I still did not get over her loss. She had passed on seven years ago, but I could never relate to Sandra’s loss, since she had two little children she need to think off, and in laws which she was not speaking to.

According to Bolton (1987) there are three components that define empathy: “The empathic individual has a delicate and precise understanding of the other person’s emotional state while upholding certain disconnectedness from the other person. Empathy means accepting the situation that subsidizes to the “triggered” emotional state. The empathic individual connects with the other person in such a way that, that person feels accepted and understood,” (Bolton, 1987, cited in Holz, 2015).

I could relate to Sandra and found it difficult to separate my feelings, there were times when I too felt very emotional and my eyes would fill with tears, however I constantly looked down so that she could not see my emotions.

According to Hargie (1999), when we talk we also listen at the same time for feedback. When we listen we evaluate in order to plan our response. Sometimes we may already know what we are going to say before the other person has finished talking and hence we may not be listening effectively to the other person (Hargie, 1999, p. 120).

Sandra was explaining her conflict and I taught to myself I am hearing what you are saying but how do you know that they are feeling this way, did they tell you that you are not welcome, or how do you know they do not like you, why are you speculating?

According to Hartley (1999), instead of listening to somebody we questioning what the person is saying while they are saying it and then lose track of what the person is saying. Then there is a problem of fact hunting where we lose sight of the complete message while we are busy trying to focus on the evidences of the conversation. Effective conduct with effective listening contains being open to the person, sustaining attention to the person, move away from interruptions and the postponement of a response until you have clear understanding of what has been said to you (Hartley,1999, p. 57)

I tried figuring out whether she was having a problem with her in laws or if she was not coping with life, and how all of this was affecting her. I noticed in her voice how this all had an impact on her mental wellbeing.

My strengths demonstrated in the role

According to Bolton (1987) there are three components that define empathy: “The empathic person has a sensitive and accurate understanding of the other person’s feelings while maintaining certain separateness from the person. Empathy means understanding the situation that contributes to or “triggered” those feelings. The empathic person communicates with the other in such a way that the other feels accepted and understood” Bolton, 1987, cited in (Holz, 2015)

Sandra: “since my husband died my in laws stopped visiting us, it is obvious they only visited because they loved their son, they use to come and visit us every Saturday, now they do not come anymore.”

Sheryl: I am so sorry you have to go through so much, and I don’t know your in-laws at all, but maybe they also grieving. I am sure they will realize how important it is for them to support you and the kids right now. You know we all grieve differently! Sometimes we let pride stand in the way of our happiness, I think you should sit down with your in laws and discuss you’ll feelings since you’ll were so close after all, and now something is creating a wall. Right now in your life I’m sure you need each other, so why not invite them for lunch, after all it is your in-laws right and your kids love them too.

Rapport is the on-going and continuous skill we rely on when we engage with others. We exchange information and we attempt to explore and discover what we have in common. Building rapport begins with exhibiting suitable body language – being friendly, comfortable and open. The way in which we use our voice is vital in increasing rapport.

Sandra: I am so sorry to bother you but would it be fine if I could come visit you later after work since you have helped me so much and I am afraid I might just look for excuses again not to invite my in laws over for dinner. I barely know you, but you have already helped me so much, you have surely removed a huge brick of my shoulder, and if you say no its okay. Thank you for everything.

My limitations in the role- play

My soft nature and introverted personality often restricts me from making lots of friends. If Sandra did not initiate the conversation, I am sure I would not have started it.

I do see my own limitation, and I need to improve on my interpersonal skills especially building rapport. However once the conversation kicks off, and I become comfortable I find my knowledge quite beneficial to lots of people. Therefore I need to work on my personality.

According to Rane (2011) it is important to listen and to” Stop talking, one cannot simultaneously talk and listen. The speaker cannot speak and put the message across if the listener continues to talk. Therefore, the first commandment is that the listener should stop talking and start listening (Rane, 2011, p 44).

As Sandra was explaining what she thought about drunk drivers, I could relate and could not stop myself from expressing my anger toward them and I quoted “government should put more stricken implications toward these people, they have no respect for the road and innocent people’s lives are taken way, from loved one’s only because they choose to be reckless, I really do not think it is fair, that they get off so easily and we are punished forever, we do not get to see our love ones.”

I see how I need to control my emotions, because it takes over my mind, and I can see clearly in the video how emotional I become. It is easy for me to remain constant or in congruent without emotional attachment.

Conclusion

As I observed the role play with Sandra, I saw lots of examples of rapport building, active listening, and empathy. I have also learned to listen, and not just jump to my own conclusion. I have also become aware of my strengths and limitations. Interpersonal communication has made a huge difference in the way I viewed communication, most of all it has given me a sense of reflecting and changing my personality in order to be able to build rapport, which is crucial in being a counsellor.

References

DeVito, J. A. (2014). The Interpersonal Communication Book: Pearson New International Edition (13th.ed). Harlow, England.

Hartley, P. (1999). Interpersonal Communication: Interpersonal Communication (2nd ed.). Routledge: New York, NY

Hargie, O, Dickson, D & Tourish, D. (1999). Communication in Management. Retrieved from: https://books.google.co.za/books?id=vgyKLyEn22AC&sitesec=buy&source=gbs_vpt_read

Holz. T. (2015). Session 3 [Power Point Presentation]. Retrieved, 28 April 2015, Retrieved from http://mysacap.sacap.edu.za/my/

Rane, D. B. (2011). Good Listening Skills Make Efficient Business Sense. IUP Journal of Soft Skills, December 2011. Retrieved from: http://connection.ebscohost.com/c/articles/78153521/good-listening-skills-make-efficient-business-sense

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