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Effect of Blind Dates on “Leftover Women”

2455 words (10 pages) Essay in Psychology

04/04/18 Psychology Reference this

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In China, a woman is easily described as “sheng nv” or” leftover woman” when she is over 27 or 30 years old and still remains single (Magistad). But among these leftover women, they mostly have beautiful appearance, high education and incomes. Actually, some leftover women really do not worry about their marriage, but they are under great amount of pressure from their parents or friends. Then these leftover women begin to look for partner in a hurry but find it so difficult. Why these outstanding women cannot find a good man? It sounds odd (Magistad).

However, this phenomenon makes sense for the following reasons. First, the leftover women are so outstanding that they are very particular about their future spouse. They care much about the admirers’ conditions such as their house, car, career, appearance and education background etc. However, to find a perfect husband is just as difficult as looking for a needle in a haystack. Therefore, they become leftover women. Second, some leftover women are feminists. They mostly pay much attention to themselves and ignore others, taking it for granted that men should take consideration for women. In addition, they request others’ absolute obedience and cannot stand a little opposition. Then they are still single. Third, it mainly depends on their own lifestyle and attitude towards love and marriage. For one thing, they are hard to find a suitable man because of their small social circle. For another, some women attach importance to men’s possession first rather than disposition, because most women just hunt for a rich man to change their poor situation.

Consequently, the blind dates appeal to them and become popular under this circumstance for the reason that blind dates can provide leftover women platforms and chances to make more new male friends. Perhaps they can find their future spouse if they match up with each other. “The whole point of a blind date is to meet someone else that one doesn’t know and to get to know him better’’ (“Cause and Effect Blind Dates”). Nowadays, the blind dates have many kinds and successful examples. For instance, Linda Wolff met her husband through her brother and they fell in love with each other and finally live a happy life. She mentioned, “When love is mean to be” (Wolff). That is to say, her true love was at first sight. Indeed, blind dates bring help to people in seeking true love to some extent. But blind dates just exist as a auxiliary method because no one can harvest true love without paying. As for leftover women, after dating for many times, blind dates cause physical and spiritual effects on them.

The Effect on Physical Changes

Nowadays, not only leftover women find their Mr. Right through blind dates, but also pretty young ladies do that. Compared with those pretty young ladies, leftover women are in a relatively inferior position, especially some well-educated leftover women. “My mum spends all her time organizing blind dates for me,” says Faye Yang, a pretty 29-year-old university professor, “but over 60 percent of them reject me when they discover I have a PhD degree.” “I would feel ashamed if the woman I am with is on my level. I will lose my confidence and male status,” says Kelvin Du Kang, a marketing consultant in Shanghai concurs (“A Good Man Is Hard to Find: China’s ‘Leftover Women’ Look for Love Abroad”). Distinctly, men do not like the women either on their level or stronger than they. However, the fact that those well-educated leftover women have a high degree cannot be changed. Experiencing many a blind date, they may have a lesson how to change themselves to get love harvest.

Appearance. They learn how to put on light makeup or remain a face without makeup. These leftover women keep an office-lady look when they are at work, which presents a mighty air to others. Besides, office-lady look covers their real and natural face, which seems to put on a fake mask and distances themselves from others. Putting on light makeup shows delicate beauty. Without applying any cosmetics, a clean face presents them in daily life. Men would think they are easy-going and come up to them.

Hair style. Many leftover women always tie up their hair without fringe. Some follow the fashion, like having a perm or color their hair. It is man-made curly and colored hairs that add years to the age. A Chinese saying goes, “Women’s wit does not match their hair.” Anyway, if men are asked they prefer long hair or short hair, they would give one answer: long, straight and black hair (Li 129). Thus, leftover women change their hair style to keep long, straight and black hair. This would impress men that they are mild, good-natured, sweet-tempered and easy-going ladies.

Style of dressing. Styles of dressing are different on different occasion. When dating, leftover women would get rid of their uniform and avoid dressing too showy. They just need to dress plainly but neatly. There is no better choice to dress in warm color. Light red means peace; yellow stands for brightness; orange symbolizes warmth; blue represents energy. Dressing in a proper way means that leftover women think highly of their date. Accordingly, men would consider that this kind of woman is the exact person to be wife rather than the woman they can take to bars or colleague in work world.

The Effect on Mental Changes

Blind dates have gained its popularity among leftover-women for seeking love. Nowadays, blind dates, the common way to finding a future partner, has affected leftover-women on not only physical but also spiritual aspect during its development. As for mental aspect, blind dates affect leftover-women on their view of mate-selecting and the view toward love.

Leftover-women, whether they are highly-educated and well-paid or are left behind, are appealed to the title “dating the rich” of some blind dating events (Yao). Their views of mate-selecting are affected by blind dates because during frequent blind dates many leftover-women conveyed this notion to others. These “dating the rich” events are “considered a great opportunity for ‘grassroot’ beauties to find wealthy husbands” (Yao). But some leftover-women changed their standpoints after thousands of times of blind dates. They tend to select some men who are called “budget husband”. These kinds of men are the new ideal among Chinese female white-collar workers. “One of the main characteristics of a budget husband is that he be ‘normal.’ Not ugly but not too handsome; neither poor nor rich. In short: mediocre.” (How to express “budget men and women” in English). In the course of blind-dating, many leftover-women have realized that dating the rich or getting married to the rich is not a realistic dream. Budget husbands are better choice for their marriage, because they can be a good son, a good staff and also a good spouse (Li 90). Their view of mate-selecting has been affected by blind dates.

A womanï- Ma Nuo, who attended one of the fashionable blind-dating programs, You Are the One, said to those men who also want to find their spouse by the way of blind dates, “I prefer crying in the back of a BMW to smiling on the back of a bicycle”. Although this remark is sharply criticized by many people, it is still accepted by some leftover-women. This is another influence blind dates have on leftover women. Some ideas conveyed by blind dates are now changing their view toward love, their attitude to marriage. These women are Gold Diggers and they think highly of the value of money. They attach that to their love. The pursuit of material has become their purpose to blind dates. This is the bad effect blind dates have on leftover-women. It changes their points. They mistake the meaning of blind dates as finding a rich man but not a beloved. This is the spiritual effect that the blind dates bring to leftover -women and it is harmful to seeking love when they are dating.

Blind dates bring great impacts to leftover women in their pursuit of material conditions as well as mental requirement. They change the clothes they usually wear, the hairstyle they have for a long time, and the high requirement they ask for their future spouse etc. Leading them to change in a proper way, efforts from government and individuals are both extremely needed.

Government’s support is the precondition for people to better define leftover women. According to Leta Hong Fincher, the author of Leftover Women: The Resurgence of Gender Inequality in China. “There’s absolutely no indication that the government sees falling female labor-force participation as a problem. On the contrary, the rhetoric is, ‘women, return to the home, stop being so ambitious and get married'”(“A Good Man Is Hard to Find: China’s ‘Leftover Women’ Look For Love Abroad”). Women are also main force in the cause of some kinds of career such as educations, medical treatment or even biology researches. It is essentially necessary for government to provide a equal environment for women to pursue their career. So as to change the traditional situation that young female who are of high quality and well educated remain single because men tend to “marry down both in age and educational attainment”(Simpson).

People’s efforts also play an important role in helping leftover women to find the person of their heart. One of the participants of the matchmaking event held in Beijing Ditan Park explained the reason why he was single until 30 is that their whole family lived in a small house in a remote village. So they are now trying to buy a house with the help of parents as the basic material condition of his marriage (Zheng, Li, and Chen). For individuals, they should show their respect for women by letting them choose what they are going to do instead of implanting ideas of being a housewife as soon as possible, while leftover women should set up proper view of spouse-selecting and make clear that which style of men they are searching for. To have a happy ending, a blind date should base on a positive attitude concerning more about genuineness rather than material conditions (Cui).

Results from a blind date could differ from certain people. It may do help someone make some new friends and find her spouse, however, it sometimes could just remain a terrible experience. There are some tips for women to survive in a blind date. First is to choose a quiet location and dress nicely and neatly to leave an unforgettable first impression. Second is to be a good listener during the conversation and also ask questions friendly. The last one is being yourself, which is the most important one. Do not pretend to be football fan if you never play football. However, women had better not rely on blind dates since it is not the only way to find Mr. Right. All these tips are also useful in daily life. Being optimistic and keeping an open mind whenever it is, for what Tagore have said “the best things come when you least expect them to”.

Works Cited

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http://www.scmp.com/magazines/post-magazine/article/1495043/good-man-hard-find-chinas-leftover-women-look-love-abroad

“Cause and Effect Blind Date.” Studymode.com. Studymode.com. Nov 2012. Web. 3 June 2014.

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Cui Jianmin,崔建敏,“xiangqin: jiduo huanxi jiduo chou——shengnan shengnv xiangqin shenghuo diaocha”相亲:几多欢å-œå‡ å¤šæ„——剩男剩女相亲生活调查(blind date: Happiness and anxiety coexist——A survey ofsingletons’ dating life). wuhaidaily.com乌海æ-¥æŠ¥WUHAIDAILY.COM NETWORK. 1 Nov 2012. Web. 28 May 2014.

http://www.wuhaidaily.com/news.aspx?id=81091

“fanyi dianjin: ‘jingji shiyongnannv’ yingwen zenmeshuo”翻译点津:“经济适用男女”英æ-‡æ€Žä¹ˆè¯´ï¼Ÿ(How to express “budget men and women” in English?)from Chinadaily.com. Sina æ-°æµªæ•™è‚².SINACoporation, 2 Apr. 2013. Web. 29 May 2014. http://edu.sina.com.cn/en/2013-04-02/133673271.shtml

Li Xiaoying.李笑莹. “zuo ziji de yuehui nvwang”做自己的约会女王(Queen do Their Own appointments). Hunanæ¹-å-:Hunan Literature and Art Publishing House.æ¹-å-æ-‡è‰ºå‡ºç‰ˆç¤¾, 2011.Print.

Magistad, Mary kay. “China’s ‘leftover women’, unmarried at 27.” BBC.com.BBC.com. 21 Feb. 2013. Web. 3 June 2014.

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SIMPSON PETER , “The ‘leftover’ women: China defines official age for females being left on the shelf as 27”. Dailymail.co.uk. Associated Newspapers Ltd. 28 February2013. Web. 28 May2014.

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Wolff, Linda. “How I Met My Husband: When Love Is Meant to Be.” Huffingtonpost.com. Huffingtonpost.com. 12 July 2012. Web.3 June 2014.

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Zheng Chao,Li jia,Chen Lin,郑超, 李佳, 陈琳 “Shengnan shengnv xianxiang diaocha”剩男剩女现象调查(A survey of singletons’ phenomenon) thefirst.cn 竞报thefirst.cn, 4 Sept 2009. Web. 28 May 2014.

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