When it comes to answering the question of whether or not men and women can just be friends it depends on whom you are asking. In research this topic comes up as being a very tricky one, you can ask almost every living human being on this planet that question and they will either answer, yes they can or no that never works out. It comes as being a very interesting topic and always raises a large debate on the issue. Between researchers and personal experiences I can say that in some cases the right man and women can have a lasting relationship that only revolves around there friendship towards one another. This research paper will give me an opportunity to reveal several of the theories on whether or not men and women could ever last as just being friends or if sexual tension gets in the way every time.
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In order for men and women to be friends, they have to get to know one another well enough to see if they could even last in a friendship. If their friendship is pure and true then we can try and answer the question of whether or not men and women can just be friends. In the article “Can Men and Women Be Friends?”, the author Camille Chatterjee starts off by saying “If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, it may explain at least one of their shared beliefs: Men and women can’t be real friends.” She later goes on to saying that sexual tension is to blame for the reasoning behind why men and women can’t be friends and if there was not tension then the friendship would never work out because the man would leave. In this article she brings in a psychologist named Linda Spadin. Linda states the fact about how women use to stay at home while the men worked, the only way that a man and a woman would ever be able to meet was if she was single looking for some type of a romantic relationship. Also in this article she talks about how the public may not be ready for cross-sex relationships, some say that when it comes to these type of friendship, simple things like nudging, winking, and skepticism can all be mistaken for a romantic relationship when it comes to the public.
We all know that in every type of friendship there is always a great deal of work involved and in cross-sex relationship even more work is needed. Laura Guerrero, author of the article “Relational maintenance in cross-sex friendships characterized by different types of romantic intent: an exploratory study” state that cross sex relationships come with a lot of responsibility. Both partners in the friendship have to overcome the fact that romantic relations cannot be found in their friendships. In this article it states that one partner could want the relationship to lean towards romance, but the other could strictly want to be just friends. ” Heterosexual individuals, maintaining a cross-sex friendship involves the affection, companionship, intimacy, and assistance found in same-sex relationships, but it also involves downgrading sexuality”, here this article is stating something that Camille Chatterjee did not. Heterosexual’s face almost the same problems when it comes to cross-sex relationships, they have to almost prove to the world that the only thing they are trying to do is commit to a lasting friendship without any strings attached.
Sometimes these cross-sex relationships can give off the wrong signals to partners of our opposite sex friend. Pamela Newton wrote in her article, “Can Men and Women Be Friends?” she states that she had a hard time with her boyfriend seeing his female friends. She states that their relationship started, as a long distance relationship and she hated it when he would call her up and tell her about how he saw a movie and went out to dinner with one of his female friends. “Of course he reassures me that these women are “just friends” and that he’s not doing anything wrong. But then I remember that our relationship began while he was dating someone else, and that we, too, were once “just friends”. ” This was stated in her article. In this specific example a cross-sex relationship could end a romantic relationship between two people. Even though nothing romantic is going on between the “friends”, but jealousy sets in on the romantic partner of the friend and she ends the relationship on fear of getting hurt. Newton states in her article that her relationship with this man started out when he was already in a relationship with someone else.
When it comes to cross-sex relationships in the media it becomes trickier, one movie that fits in with cross-sex relationships is When Harry Met Sally. This movie seems to be a very good example of how a man and a women could never be just friends. When Harry and Sally meet and begin their journey towards New York, Harry admits he’s attracted to Sally and He says, ” Men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way”. Sally argues his statement by saying she has a number of man friends and sex has never gotten in the way of her relationships with them. As time progresses they bump into each other years later and as they start talking the cross-sex relationship argument surfaces again. What is funny about this movie is that when they meet for the first time she could hardly stand him and said they should try to be friends, while he on the other hand told her they never could be friends. Throughout most of the movie they never hid their true feelings for each other, but towards the end sexual tension comes between the two and you could tell their friendship was definitely turning into something more. The part in this movie that shows a true example of cross-sex friendship was when Harry says, ” You know, you may be the first attractive woman I have not wanted to sleep with in my entire life.” This showed that men and women can be friends and it doesn’t matter that they eventually became a couple. True relationships will only last if a bond of friendship is created in the first place and When Harry Met Sally is a great movie to help describe this lasting relationship.
My experience with men and women being just friends is very stagnant. I feel that I agree with what most of my paper has said. Men and women have to work on their relationship together in order to make it work. Every relationship takes work; friendship in my opinion takes more time and more pressure on each person in order for it to follow out. The example that I will be using is about a friend of mine that I have known since I was born and in my case cross-sex friendship does work. My mom has a close friend that has two kids, a son my age and a daughter that is in 6th grade. Ever since we were little we use to play together and did everything as a group. Over the years we have counted on each other for things and know that we can trust one another whenever we needed something. Now that I am 19 and he is 20, I know that our friendship will always be true. When you know someone like I have for this long you know everything about them and I know that no matter what happens he will always be there to support me and help me out. I can honestly say that my best friend is almost like a brother to me.
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When you have been friends with someone as long as I have been a friend with my friend they almost become a brother like figure to me. I know that if I were ever in a bad situation my friend would be there in a heartbeat to help me out. We do everything for each other and without my best friend I would probably be lost. If I were to compare my friendship with a man to what I have researched above, nothing would match up. I could never imagine being more than friends with this person. I feel that since we have known each other so long and have become so close that we could never possible be more than just friends. I feel that in some cases my friendship with this man has lasted longer than any friendship with my female friends because he is easier for me to confide in and there is never any cattiness involved in anything as there would be if I were talking to my girl friends. I will say that this is my only cross-sex relationship it definitely is a true platonic friendship with no hope or want of anything else.
Cross-sex relationships do exist for a large part of our population, but it does require a lot of extra work were as a regular same sex friendship probably wouldn’t. Cross-sex relationships have a lot of speed bumps that you have to maneuver over, but in the end as long as it comes into being honest and everyone pulling their own weights the relationship should be able to succeed. Romantic relationships usually know what they want out of the relationship and their honesty is what helps them through their lasting relationship. This is the same to be said out of a cross-sex relationship, honesty is always a huge factor in almost every relationship, no matter what type of relationship it is. When it comes down to the big question of can men and women just be friends, it obviously depends on whom you ask to find out what the true answer is.
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