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The Freedom Writer's Diary was one of my favorites books I have read so far. I could really relate to a lot of these stories and I felt like I knew them on a personal level. The diary entry I related the most with was Diary number thirty-four "Teenage Alcoholism". I once had to deal with an addiction similar to what the writer did, the writer really opened up my eyes to what is really going on in high school and that I am not the only one who deals with situations like this, I noticed that I was thinking and feeling the same things she felt. This diary entry really made me feel like my life is on the right path, and reminded me of how far I have come to get here.
Now granted that alcohol addiction and painkiller addiction are two different things physically, there are uncanny and many similarities emotionally. In The Freedom Writer's Diary, diary number thirty-four has a feeling of hopelessness, "I have been doing it for so long, it's just a daily routine like getting up in the morning, going to the bathroom, and brushing your teeth" (Freedom Writer's Diary, by: Erin Gruwell, p. 67) I felt like this also sometimes, like this is my life it is never going to change, just deal with it. She also had an image to up hold and the fact that she knew that image was false made her feel bad about herself "I'm more disappointed in myself for the way I'm tricking people into believing that I'm something I'm not . Since I've been in Ms. Gruwell's class, everyone thinks I am "Little Miss Goodie Goodie"â€¦.. If they only knew that on the inside I am just barely keeping it together." (p. 67). She and I both felt like we were living a life that was meant for someone else, like there is no way I could have let my life spiral this far out of control, what have I done to myself. I also like her felt like no one would like the real, the sober, me "I am living a lie. I am struggling with a deep secret-being a "closet drinker."â€¦. I fear that people will not like the sober me." (p. 67). So we continued with our lives as they were, until one day enough was enough I wanted my life back I and was going to take it back no matter what or who stood in my way. I have come so far to get where I am today and I have worked so hard but that only makes me appreciate all I have accomplished that much more. I can only hope that Diary number 34 felt the same way and got her life back too.
Addiction is a nasty, horrible, disgusting monster. It will build and build inside you until one day it explodes and comes out to play, but you do not believe in monsters, such things are for children's fairy tale books, until that is, this monster knock you in the face and on to your butt. And when you get back up on your feet you realize that it was not a monster it was you standing in your own way.