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Every day at work we have to communicate with colleagues. Well, if people are nice, then communication has friendly character. Unfortunately, this it is not always true. Sometimes, one man can create tensions to the whole team, not only spoil the mood, but also to bring up such unpleasant consequences, such as dismissal. But such people are sometimes enough to learn to communicate properly, and most of the problems will disappear by themselves.
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The first unpleasant character – is a gossip. As a rule, these people exude friendliness that initially influences positioning. But if you submit to this provocation, and tell us about something personal, no later than tomorrow, all your secrets will become public. A friend shared with colleagues his dream: “I want to accumulate some money and buy a car”. Two days later, when the entire department received bonuses, his bonus was much smaller than the amount of the rest. On the timid questions addressed to the magistrate: “Why it happened – there wasn’t any criticism of my work?” Boss was hinted that this employee has a lot of money; because he is going to buy a car. So, before you speak frankly with the person, look at this issue more closely.
Another very unpleasant type of people – are brawlers. They cannot live peacefully, so as constantly need some “enemy”, even if it is fictional. Such people are poisoned by the existence of relatives at home and at work – colleagues. A quarrel or explanation of the relationship is not needed. It is enough to have one hint, even a look – and you’re waiting for the next flash of anger. Talking to such people is useless. The best way – is to ignore them completely, but not for the effect, otherwise it will be another cause for scandal. If suddenly there appears a brawler and has attention on you, at the outset of the conflict it would be better to pretend that suddenly remembered a very important matter, apologize and leave. Returning 15 minutes later, you’ll probably see that the brawler is calm and even forgot that he wanted to clarify relations with you. If this method fails, you can try to show such a colleague involved. Usually, it’s discouraging such people, and they once and for all leave you alone, as they used to feel like winners, and the role of “victim” does not suit them.
According to Peter Clarke (2005), the main purpose of communication between people – is to reach mutual understanding. But it’s not easy to do. Why do some people with us communicate easily, and others – difficult? Why with someone we get along, but with someone all the time we quarrel? Clearly, much easier is to establish relationships with the person with whom there is so-called common ground.
In the art of communication, it is very important to be able to listen and understand someone with whom you speak. Explaining the people of your intentions and ideas from which you start at the same time, you will be able to prevent many misunderstandings, quarrels and conflicts. Honesty in a conversation with someone it is often the only way out of conflict. But the truth must speak out not to humiliate the interlocutor, but rather to elevate his own in his own eyes and to clarify your position. What hinders and what facilitates communication? Causes of misunderstanding between people can be different: political, religious beliefs, worldview, and psychological characteristics. However, the main reason lies in the inability to hear each other. The most important part of communication – is listening skills. If a person listens attentively to his companion, then he is brought up, delves into the problem of the speaker and the like help him properly formulate their thoughts. Communication is a complex process; it is influenced by various factors: mood; set of circumstances; the nature of man; his sociability; conversely; shyness. Depending on the type of communication, formal or informal, it is necessary to choose the right demeanor, tone, gestures, words and expressions.
According to Carole Hodges (2009), informal communication – is communication at home, with parents and friends, formal – at work, while studying, with unfamiliar people. In conversation, we often assume what interferes with understanding. This is the usage of offensive words and phrases, offensive nicknames, unnecessary cuts. Attention signs facilitate interpersonal relationships and can soothe and have a lasting impact. “Hello”, “thank you”, “please”, “sorry” … – these are the simple words have power over our moods. It is important that they are always present in communication between people at work, in public places. So what is the culture of communication? If a person is competent to express his thoughts, then he is able to behave with respect for the other party, we say that this man owns a culture of communication. There are rules, implementation of which helps to establish good relations with people:
– Communication on equal terms, without being coarse and subservience.
– Respect for the personal opinion of the interlocutor;
– Lack of desire to find out who is right and who is to blame;
– Community-level requests, not orders;
– Search for compromise solutions;
– The ability to appreciate the decision of another;
– Ability to accept the experience of others.
If a person does not know how to join in the conversation, you should choose any interesting topic for conversation and the time when the person to whom addressed, not occupied any work. Always remember that the other person – is not like you, and we must be able to see things through his eyes, especially in conflict situations. Respect for the individual is impossible without respect for his point of view, even if it does not converge with yours. Cultivation one’s respect for the people can only be if you learn to see each person individually, that is, those traits that are unique to him.
According to Harriet Meyerson (2005), each of us is worthy of respect. Respecting the other, you respect yourself. Psychologists give good advice, which is: do not forget about the interests of your contact. Your lively and sincere interest in doing what he is interested in, because he will have animation and enthusiasm.
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There are some important rules of open and honest conversation with “inconvenient companion” to be aware of both adults and adolescents: use the word “I”. Since the phrase with the words: “From my point of view …” or “The way I see it …”, you are relaxed in conversation and show the other party that there was only my point of view, no claim to ultimate truth. Thus you will recognize the right to have your own opinion. Surely, you will listen to people a lot calmer and more attentively. Also, trying to show the other person that his conduct is in the first place. In order to create conditions under which an adult would want to change your behavior, you must try to explain how much they lose in life because of his own behavior. There is a possibility also to ask the other person to change behavior. It can be explained to him exactly what he can do in this situation in order to fix it. It is possible that, because you do not want to offend him, it will be quite difficult to tell him the truth. But remember: silent, you can cause him harm.
Of course, someone can say that such way of building relationships is too long, but it takes much less time, energy and emotions than the communication of action-reaction, because such talk does not give any result. Most often, honesty is the best policy in dealing with people. It’s amazing how often we are beginning to communicate with the cunning strategies and tactics while forgetting to try at first just to speak openly. Honest dialogue – is the most effective, simple and reliable means for turning conflict into cooperation.
Now I would like to elaborate on the concept of informal communication. Each of us has his own experience of friendship at work. Although the prospects for such relationships many consider skeptical. And no wonder! Informal communication between colleagues suggests a greater openness, the ability to strike a balance between personal and work, the adoption of the inevitable differences in the credentials and prospects (the difference in salary levels of access to information, the rate to move up the career ladder). Hard tests for the friendship … What do you do? Without claiming to be comprehensive, let’s try to answer this eternal question.
We must admit that informal communication is an important mechanism that contributes to the relationship between people in any group. Formally, we will call the communication that takes place in accordance with rules, regulations and instructions, existing in your organization or its subdivision and subject to address the specific challenges facing you. Informal communication – this is your kind of relationship with another person, based on mutual acceptance of personal qualities and virtues, which implies a certain level of understanding, harmony, psychological closeness. It is in these respects satisfies the need for self-realization within the framework of this work, respect and acceptance.
According to Stephen Rampur (2010), informal relationships exist on two levels of psychological closeness: the primary and rational. Primary level – represents already the impression with the first contact (long acquaintance is not required, a feeling that you know a person a hundred years). It is characterized by high spontaneity of emotional perception, unawareness and little amenable to volitional regulation. Rational level is based on an understanding of the similarities attitudes, values, norms and life experiences. It occurs at a certain stage of relations with the man, understood and controlled by us.
It is believed, that a relationships based on shared values and interests are more stable at work rather than relationships based on likes and dislikes. If you look closely at your existing team of informal relations, they are likely to be secured in one of five forms of interaction: “Couple” represents the two people that are mutually sympathetic to each other. Often, one of them is a supplement or “companion” of another. “Triangle” shows three people sympathizing with each other, and make up his small, yet very close core group. “Square” – can be formed as a collection of pairs, the relationship between them does not necessarily have the same intensity. “Chain” – is a linear relationship between several people, which under certain conditions can become a source of rumors. “Star” – is based on one leader opinion, to whom are approached several members of the team. Each of these forms of informal communication in one way or another arises in any workplace with a specific purpose – namely, the best adaptation to its internal rules and laws of existence.
According to Jeanne Segal (2007), in every company, as in any formal group, there are informal relations, which largely determine the climate and the internal atmosphere in the team. Thus, friendships at work and at its end, cooperation and mutual help shape a healthy psychological climate in the company and provide a basis for the development of each member organization and collective as a whole.
Psychologists believe that friendship is very good for business if the business grows out of shared interests. There is no matter how closely you communicate with people on a personal level, formal relations are sensitive, which cannot be discounted. There is always a risk that one of the friends will show himself as a “traitor.” Elucidation of relationships, mutual resentment and claims become the property of the whole team. As a result, suffers a general matter, and friendship. But the forecast could be optimistic, if a “working friendship” follows the main rule – to clearly separate personal and business interests. That is why, if you are not sure whether that will be able to muster the necessary tact, and comply with the above restrictions, it is better not to take risks and work with friends in different companies.
Taking into consideration mentioned above, I would like to make a conclusion. To be in harmony with yourself and the people around you, you need to create an atmosphere of mutual understanding at work, to build up contacts. Often we get tired, can’t avoid conflict situations. Everybody has many reasons to spoil relations with colleagues. We cannot avoid difficulties at work, because difficult, controversial issues will always exist. But we can learn the ability to keep ourselves in hand, to live in harmony with people close to us.
What is the basis of art communication and what methods to use? First of all, try to relate friendly to everybody; try to create an atmosphere of comfort among friends and colleagues. Do not transfer your “home” problems to your colleagues. If you feel stress, or fatigue, use relaxation techniques.
Endurance helps to behave you correctly in a conflict situation. In general, avoid emotional showdown, do not engage in protracted disputes. But if a conflict occurs, try not to develop it calmly and analyze what can be done to normalize the situation. Be prepared to compromise for the sake of good relations.
In communicating with colleagues, try to be genuinely interested in their affairs, to help when needed. Listen more than talk. Limit the desire to condemn anyone who made a mistake. If you have to solve a complex issue in the service or at home, do not transfer responsibility to others, to develop the habit of self-confident action. Continuing to study the literature on how to work on them, improve their psychological stability. Perhaps this knowledge will help you choose the right course of action, and will contribute to a pleasant chat with colleagues.
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