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This chapter deals with the concepts and marriage practices of the village Moza Jam Rid Thal. What are the common marriage practices? What people prefer endogamy or exogamy and why? What are the most common and traditional customs related to marriage ceremony.
4.1 Marriage Practices and Patterns
In the village Moza Jam Rid Thal marriage is settled by the family of bride and groom. People of different descendants are living in the village. People prefer endogamy but they are not very restricted to this. Social status is also one criterion along with the caste or biradri. In recent years exogamy is not discouraged as in the past.
4.1.1 Endogamous marriage
The Most prevalent mode of marriages in the locale was endogamy. The trend in favor of endogamy was equally observed in Kot Sultan. Peoples strongly believe that endogamy stands Guarantee Insurance against divorce that leads to disintegration of the family. Relatives after all try their best not to let the bond broken strengthens inter marriages. The endogamous phenomena among the feudal lords might have taken birth to over the "assurance to let the landed property remain intact and undivided:, (comments byâ€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦.) but the ordinary people (landlords and farmers included), the reason perhaps is the belief that "blood is thicker than water" expressed in saraiki and translated as if a blood relative kills, is bound to put the body in shadow, whereas the stranger leaves the body in the sun to rot. The paucity of financial resources (economic position of the parties) induces them to prefer endogamy.
"aapra mara ta chan ta sata opra mara ta dhup ta sata"
4.1.2 Exogamous marriage
There is no strict belief system like Hindu's cast system, Arab's purity of blood or Hitler's racist ideology that operates behind endogamy, rather it is the ease or convenience of the relationship that helps the mode to prevail. Marriages concluded out of family or kinship biradri called exogamy are neither banned nor despised. Though not as prevalent as endogamy, still a lot of exogamous arrangements were reported. The only hurdle that hinders the exogamous arrangement continues to be zaat (caste in lose sense as the profession one adopts comes to determine the zaat in most of the cases) phenomena.
The absence or lower incidence of exogamy among and between lower and upper ranking Zaats indicates the staunch belief that Zaat has very strong influence on the personality of the members of that category and that can never is changed. The people express the belief that the habits, attitudes, preferences, whims, fares and dreams are inherited by birth in many different versions. The belief that operates behind obstructing exogamous marriages is evident from local expressions (verbatim) below as,
"the low caste remains to continue a low caste".
"kami kami he rahndan"
These beliefs about the social stratification and hierarchy is embedded in local culture, the commonly used proverbs eloborates best the these concepts, as one of the respondents who belong to Zimidar biradari said,
"Ghora Di Poch Lavanr Nal Gadhan Ghora Nahe Banr Waynda"
"Just wearing the tale of horse does not make the donkey a horse".
"Na Bahvan Kam Zaat Nal, Wanj Ralasi Aya Aap Nal"
"Do not accompany the low caste or else you become one of them".
In Spite Of an Antagonistic environment, many exogamous marriages seem taking place. The closed scrutiny of the data revealed that boys belong to lower Zaat (perceived and believed as norm) but with promising future and strong economic background succeeded in marrying girls belonging to the upper Zaat. Interestingly the emerging trend for exogamy with little faster pace of acceptance was observed at Kot Sultan.
4.1.3 Watta Satta (Exchange marriage)
Southern Punjab in general and DG khan division in particular is notorious for the exchange marriage locally called "Watta Satta". At the time of marriage, both families trade brides. That is, both families must have a daughter and a son and be willing to betroth them to a daughter and son of the other family. In Kot Sultan wata sata practice in many cases due to some reasoning. The reasons for exchange marriages vary. When such a marriage takes place between the well-off parties (middle class), the reason may be lust for dowry, inherited assets, strengthening mutual bounds, assurance against family disintegration threat through divorce. Watta Satta among lower as well as upper zaat's in considered the strengths and guarantee against divorce, though there is no conclusive evidence on recode. Informal discussions reveal that Watta Satta is not much popular in the locale and its incidence observed is very low. It was found that Watta Satta was losing appeal particularly during the recent years in the locale.
"Kahaen di dhee da wall apnra payran tala daysoo ta apnri dhi da wall bachsan" 
22.214.171.124 Endogamous exchange marriage
One type of Watta Satta marriage is within family Watta Satta marriage, in which brides are exchanged within the family. There are many reason of within family Watta Satta. The main causes of this type marriages are that family heads knows very well the character of both boys and girls, girls are being married in the same house or family and their parents want to marry their girls nearby, bounding of relations go more strengthen and some family don't want to share their property outside the family so they prefer within family Watta Satta because they think that as much our daughter will take right of property the coming bride to their family will also bring the same. Another reason of endogamous exchange marriage is that the parents of the bride are possessive about the security of their daughter so that they want groom's sister to be wife of their son to assure the security of their own daughter.
126.96.36.199 Exogamous exchange marriage
Another type of Watta Satta is exogamous exchange marriage in which brides are exchanged outside the family. This type of marriages occurs when the parents of bride or groom failed in exploring any reasonable bride or groom for their son or daughter. So going the wall they have to marry their boy or girl outside the family and for this they also have to assure the security of their girl and demand the hand of groom's sister.
The marriages between one man and one man are called monogamous marriages. The researcher found that monogamous marriages and popular within the community and most of the marriages done are monogamous marriage. They can't afford another marriage because of their lower socio-economic status. So they are happy with their one wife and children.
Marriages in which one man and more than one women are called polygamous marriages. The main reason of one than more wives is the lack of mutual understanding between first wives. These types of marriage men's do due to their wives have no son and a lot number of daughter. Arrange marriage mostly reason of second marriage because they do not care and compromise with each other. Other factors of polygamous marriage are as below Family disturbance (nuhuand sass), Love with other girl, Financial gap between husband and wife family, Husband not satisfy from first wife.
The polygamy though not much popular is still practices. Most of the people didn't object much rather appreciated the practice when it was meant to have a male issue in particular. The key informant being well aware of the situation at Kot Sultan told that majority of the polygamous marriages were the result of either love affair or an excuse to help the widows disguised for grabbing landed property.
((Haji Gulam Sarwar is the living example of the Polygamy, who had two married sons when he got married with a woman herself being mother of four children got divorced from her husband.
At the death of a married man his wife is married with his younger brother. This type of marriage is called levirate. It was observed that levirate is practiced in the study area but at lesser extend in recent years.
Sororate is also prevalent in the study area. At the death of a married woman her sister is married with her husband to fulfill the space after her and is thought that the sister of that woman will be most suitable to pamper and care of her own sister's children.
When bride is taken to the groom's house after marriage is called Patriloacl marriage system. The researcher found that this practice is mostly done in the locale and people have a strong believe on this type of marriages. After marriage bride leaves her parents, home and comes to live with her husband's family.
When a groom used to live in her wife's parents house after marriage this practice is called Matrilocal marriage. The researcher found that this type of marriage is not very familiar within the people of KotSultan because it is thought as a sign of guilty and disgrace among the community men and socially consdered a bad thing. However in very severe cases this type of marriages is acceptable for example when the groom's in laws have no male member or son and groom belongs to kin relatives. Key informant at KotSultan could count on fingertips (one case), where the Matrilocal arrangements were in practice. "It is better to die than to become a son-in-law bound to stay with in-laws"; said Ahmad khan when asked to comment on the Matrilocal arrangements.
"Sohnra da ghar rahvanr kinoo maranr changa"
Practices performed pre marriage
Putr di marzi
Though not hundred percent true but mainly the parents of the boy develop understanding as to when and with whom the marriage be arranged. Sometime, the activity gets started on behest of the boy intending to marry though parents do not expect such a blunt expression from their children. it is exceptional that the male children express their wish to marry.
With the consent of the head of the family (usually father) the mother starts whispering her intention for some girl and in an unannounced .Rather secret manner visits the family of potential bride. Her visit is based on the information collected by a self-styled appointed female agent hunting for prospective brides and linking the families. Such a role is usually is performed by female drumbeaters (called Nivani in the local language). It is not necessary that the agent is definitely a drum -beater, she may be anyone belong into any Zaat profession. The role of agent is very important particularly when the two families are not much acquainted with each other and belong to different Zaats.
The procedure in which the parents of the boy send proposal to the parents of the girl is called "bazzoo manganr or bahan manganr". The first step in which parents of the boy go the girl's house and asked her parents their daughter for their boy is called dhuk dewan The researcher explored that it is custom of the Kot Sultan that proposal is always sent by the boy's parents. It is dilemma of our society the female side never send the proposal of marriage to the male side and if they do it's consider as a social evil. Mostly male side send a proposal to female side this is called "Dhuk Davenr".
The male family goes to female home and tries to motivate and convince for the marriage proposal. The father of girl not gives any answer clearly. After this boy's family goes to girl house many time .parents consult with each other and if brother of girl is adult then also consult with him. The parents give respect of their adult children views about their marriage. If family members agree with proposal then boys compromise on the family decision. The mother play very important role in taking decision of proposal because she has motivating and convincing power. When house member of girl's agree on proposal after that they consult with uncle and aunties families.
Normally proposal set in a family; the parents of girl's and parents of boys know the status of each other. They can understand easily the pros and cons of boys and girls. If marriage proposal out of family then many factors comes to the mind of parents. Such as Girl should be beautiful, younger from their son and she should be free from diseases. Parents of boys also check the girl's parents are noble and honest. Mostly proposal are rejected due to girls don't respect their elders, more talkative, proud and fat. The boy's mother checks the capabilities like cooking (Ridha pakka), washing and sewing (seavnr povnr) the clothes with efficient way. In this reign girls should be educated. If girls have above qualities marriage proposal consider done. On the girls side parents of girls check the reputation, character, Nobel and other abilities of boy's.
Dhe di marzi
But an expression (wish to marry implicitly or explicitly expressed in direct or indirect manner) from a girl is considered impossibility in the male dominated culture that does not expect and allow a girl to express such a wish. Such an expression is considered a sign of bad character and abnormality.
The next step is called "Hal Ghinar". When the parents of the boy are assured that the parents of the girl are willing to accept their proposal, they go the girls' parents' house along with head of their family and relatives to conform the relationship being made. When they arrive at girls' house they arrange any place to sit. Then any of the elder men "buzurg" from the girl's side ask guest for the reason of coming. This process is called Hal Ghinar and says to his side that "halghino". Then the entire guest from boy's side says "halghino". Then all the people from girl side say "wadythewo". Then any of the elder men"buzurg" from girl side asks boy's side and say hal dewoo, and then one of the guests say "Hal di meherbani saein". By this formal interaction they start the process of Hal Ghinar. This is ceremony in which people ask from other"thanda peasoo ya garm" means want to take tea or drink some cold drink. We are all come to your home for "kar ekahair". We feel pleasure to meet with all of you and all are ok.
Hal custom is go to end when people say all ok "Sub khair".then all guests say with one voice "Shala khair, Hamesha khair".
Dua khair di
Upon completely satisfactory report and consensus among the parents of the bridegroom and on the imitative of the mother of the prospective bridegroom a schedule for meeting of the men is fixed. The purpose of the meeting is to publicly announce intention of the two families going to develop a new relationship through the marriage of their children. In such a meeting, some of the most important relatives (uncles, cousins, son-in-laws etc. ;) are invited to participate later on remain witness to the intended agreement for future relation particularly the promise to extend the hand of the girl to the family of the bridegroom. In such a meeting, not very serious but light topics are discussed among the participants. Usually such a meeting takes place at the house of the prospective bride where at the participants are served with light food and drinks. It has been reported and observed that such meetings take place at night.
The Dua-e-khair ceremony is very important as it formalizes the agreement (unwritten) reached between the mother of prospective couple through male members of the family. The Dua-e-khair indicates the male authority for conclusion of agreement on which people can rely. In other words, the agreement reached by the female members of the family does not carry the same significant weight as that weight of the male members. Further, the agreement even if unwritten (as always it is) is reliable when concluded among men but not among women. Khair Muhammad observed that Dua-e khair is an excuse for confirming understands in front of the public. Therefore, a lot of significance is attached to Dua-e-khair.
Though with exception, due to certain reasons, the Dua-e-Khair may get ruined later but is rare and despised by the people as they believe that a "man's stance is firm". In case a Dua-e-khair is reverted or fails, the family initiating the breaking of Dua-e-Khair or supposedly responsible for such an act is disliked and not trusted by the people in the days to come. Such and even creates troubles for prospective bride in particular as fresh initiatives become suspicious unless the agreement gets mature. It has been observed that even if the bride whose Dua-e-Khair was ruined once due to whatever reasons, faces reproach or chiding from the members of the in-laws family particularly in the event of bitter conversations on even other than broken Dua-e-khair.
Mundri pavnr / Mangnii
After the Dua-e-khair (consensus concluded ) as the females of the two families through a ceremony celebrate the consensus through a ceremony called Mangni following the Dua-e-khair, the female members of the prospective bridegroom along with some relatives visit the would be bride's home at a day mutually fixed for the celebration. Women and children (mainly girls) accompanied by a female drumbeater (Mirasin) arrive the bride's home and are entertained. The usual way of performing Mangni is putting a sheet of cloth called Bochhhan in Saraiki on the head of the sitting girl (bride to be) around whom girls dance and shriek at the volume equal to that of the drumbeat. In certain cases the bride (to be) wears even a ring (usually golden one) given by the in-laws.
The would be bride is also given gifts including 2 to 3 unstitched pair of clothes for making ShalwarKameez suits and dry fruits sweets as well. All the participants congratulate each other. Many people do not formalize the Dua-e-khair through Mangni. Several people at locale confirmed that Mangni was a dying custom and rarely celebrated by the families why the custom is dying invites enquiry by the future researchers. It can perhaps particularly be attributed to the development process that leaves a little time for the people to get engaged in such customs.
After engagement the girl have to remain in Hijab from her fiancée till their marriage. But the boys are always in try to have a glance at their fiancée and create many ways for this. In the cases of arranged engagements in which boy have not seen the girls before engagement but see after engagement and do not like his fiancée is not able to break his relation and cannot do this because when parents have done then children can't do any action against their decision. After the engagement girl avoid to come front of boy because he will not find any (nuqs), misbehavior that result in future of misunderstanding between them.
If engagement has done out of family then girls should be veiled. At the time of marriage girls and other family members must have veiled. When marriage is held within family there is no need of veiled. After date setting of marriage then girls must be veiled.
If boy's and girl's house are near to gather then they meet with each other's many times. After the engagement and before the marriage when Eid (Islamic festival) are comes, the mother of boy give Eidi to her bahu(nohu).Eidi include clothes, shoes, bangles,mehendi,perfumes, net cash and other food items. Whenever mother in law goes to her bahu(nuhu) house she, will get gifts from girl's family and if they don't give gift it considers misshapen in future. If Eidi are not given to girl's with in a best way chances increase of breaking engagement.
Gandheen Badhan' stands mutually fixing the date of bride's `Rukhsati' (wedding and departure from her father's home). Usually a few days earlier the heads of the families, accompanied by important (those who matter_ members family or kinship meet each other and fix the date for Nikah (written agreement of weeding) followed by Rukhsati. Literally the word Gandheen Badhan in Saraiki language means "Knotting", which perhaps implies for cementing through mutual discussion the consensus on date and day of Rukhsati. Interesting is to note the observation that dates are fixed apart from following the modern calendar rather by the Islamic (Hijri ) calendar. Invariably mostly marriage ceremonies do not take place during first and second month of Islamic calendar, that is, Moharram and Safar.
Both the families after "Gandheen Badhan" prepare invitation lists for various ceremonies. All the invitees may not necessarily be exclusively males. Males may be invited along with the females for certain ceremonies. Certain functions are exclusively female such as Meendhi, Meendi and Warhi. However the Nikah and Walima are exclusively male ceremonies. In past, Kandahy (invitations) were served through messengers usually Mirasi (Drum beater) or Nai (Barber) except for the closely related members of the kinship (biradri) who were invited and are still invited by one of the members of the family (males for male and females for females). With the weakened caste system (occupation based system) the traditional system of employment of families (Khandani Kammmi), like that of Mirasi, Nai etc.; serving Kandhay has died. Now a day's invitations are mostly served through invitation cards either printed or hand written.
Those who do not afford to get invitation cards printed come to write invitations on plain paper (sometimes colored). Varieties introduced in this type are the papers cards that carry standardized outline details with particulars to be inserted by the inviters. A great variety of marriage invitation cards are available in the market. People at Kot Sultan use invitations cards for inviting relatives friends to participate in the marriage ceremony Walima (lunch or dinner following the marriage).sometimes, some of the invitees may not be called to participate in the Nikah ceremony and Baraat (bringing of the bride to the bridegroom's family ceremony in group form). It is not that the friends not invited for Baraat and Nikah are less important but the ceremony is considered a formality to be attended by the close relatives or the invitees living in the vicinity (not at much distance) and friends distantly stationed not be bothered to come. However, the participation in Walima is given a lot of importance as it is taken as "intention to continue with the relationship and at the same time reviving the existing degree of the relationship with friends and relatives".
Marriage dates are set according to Moon calendar. When date is fixed, first moon night comes groom family make a function that called "Chandrana". In this function friends and relatives are invited, they come and dance at drums voice (Dhool ki thap).
A parallel activity at night goes on at the house of the bridegroom and this is what is called sahray. At night (usually after the night prayer) neighbors and relatives as well as friends of the family visit bridegroom's house. The visitors are exclusively female belonging to various age groups irrespective of marital status. All the visitors sing local songs pertaining marriage (goodwill expression, pray for success of the marital bond, folk-wisdom, folklores) in chorus and in loud voice. The instruments used for adding music to the chorus may be and usually is using a big metallic plate used in kitchen. The steel plate (or tray) (Thall in saraiki) put upside-down and beaten with a stick creating sound and now a day's drummer (Dholki) use for adding music. The songs which are sung by women's in the days of sahray are these
"Allah janra ta yar na janra mada dhool jawanian mahnran"
"janj ta mada veeran di sarkan ta na mava shalla veran sadian jevan ta mahndian layva"
Meendhi is the same ritual called `Mayoon' in Punjabi speaking areas equally practiced by Urdu speaking community. For a number of days (not fixed but usually 3-5 days) the prospective bride is afforded exclusive privacy to be with her closest friends and relatives (usually females only of her age group ) at home say allocating a room or a corner not to be visited by the males of even her family itself. The ritual beings by the arrival of certain females members of bridegroom's family and give "a rope style form by weaving the bridal hair" to be later on untied by the in-laws. The activity is the beginning of the Meendhi duration. A number of items are supplies in an ample quantity for massage not only for the bride but her friends as well to be used during the Meendhi days.
The most important component of the massage kit stands Bataan. The bride and her friends frequently and exclusively apply the paste on their faces in particular and hands in general. A continuous use of Bataan develops a fair pale complexion at least from the one the bride and her friends had prior to the use of Bataan. There is no timing fixed for Bataan. The bride's friends not temporarily staying with her come at ease and use Bataan besides involving in gossips. Perhaps, the logic of the ritual is to provide privacy to discuss ramifications of the new relationship to be formally in operation beyond Rukhsati.
It is believed that Meendhi is short course for perspective bride conducted informally by the fiends through frank exchange of the perception of the nature and operation of forthcoming relationship. Though obviously the activity seems meaningless because the participants in short course do not have the required experience as majority of the bride's friends are unmarried, yet it continues to be practices. The ritual reaches its peak when the Meendhi is untied /opened (usually by the mother of the bridegroom or by the married woman from his family). The event is celebrated by arranging the `Jhumar' (traditional dance) on drum beat by participants. The duration of the ceremony is usually an hour or so before sunset.
Guhnd ich bahvanr
After the Meandhi function bridle sit one corner of the room. Normally bridle sit two days in corner some time it increases. Groom family also gives Ubton to the bridle.Ubton include many items like (khaskhas), almond, Zafran. The friends of bridle massage with Ubton to the bridle and enjoy this session. It's looking interesting and this ceremony proof good for bridle and they free from work of her home before many days ago of marriage. Bride aside from her family, in this way she ready for her new home. Bridle care her health and family also support and care in these days. When bridle sit in a corner, she must use yellow dress and take no ornaments. At the day of marriage she dress up with red dress and take gold ornaments. In this way she looking more beautiful and elder women's advice and tells about her coming new life.
At the day of marriage friends and relatives come to gather and bring the groom move to the mosque. Front of the mosque door head of family member fasten the "Gana" in wrist of groom and after that they prayers (Dua).Gana consist of Seven colors and beautiful items like ring of iron and Long. At the time of Gana one person selected for guidance and help of groom that called sabala.
At the night of Jaga Groom sister in laws and bridle friends and relatives goes to groom home. They wear beautiful dress and dance at groom home after dancing they groom come to home and sit on decor chair then elder women's come to the front of groom and put Mahndi right hand of groom after putting Mahndi sister in laws of groom demand of net cash for this ceremony .groom bargain with his sister in law. After bargaining sister in laws of groom receive after getting cash they chill and dance. After this groom mother and his family member relative goes to bridle home with beautiful and decor plates. Plates contain Mahndi and dia. They make fun, songs and dance at bridle home. The girl comes from corner of Room at the shade of yellow "Dhopata". This dhopata covers bridle friends and relatives. When bridle reach in courtyard, a beautiful decor chair represent for bridle sitting. The mother and sister of grooms put mahndi on right hand of bridles. These types of activities known as "mahndi". Widows and women that have no child can't put Mahndi to bridle if she put it consider miss happen in future.
Girls sing a song like.
" aya way banra la sagna di mahndi : mahndi da rang ratra lal"
"aya way banra badh sagna da sahra: mady banra dy sahra di lari hay hazar".
Before Arrival the Barat, bridal family spread the Dowry (Daj) in a courtyard where everybody can easily this activity is called "DajDikhavanr".Dowry includes clothes, Shoes, ornaments , cracry and other life need things. Friends and relatives see these things and give her comments like beautiful, superb and precious. Family of bridal show each thing front of women's again and again. They do it for Good comments on the dowry of bridals. Sometime people barrow the things for performance of this ceremony. This ceremony performs in bridal and Groom home. All basic needs of home things provided to the bridal.
Junj ceremony is very old today this ceremony is rare in our society .today some families perform this ceremony , in the ceremony the day of marriage the groom family give lunch to their friends and relatives at their home it's called "Junj di Roti" .when lunch is ready friends and family members come with their pots and get the meal. After getting the meal they move back to their homes and grooms lunch gives to bridle homes, that lunch bridal family serve between their friends and relatives this is called "Dhati Sambhal".at the night of Jaga groom family gives dinner to their relatives and friends in grooms home this is called "Tadaa di Rotii"
Before the Departure of Barat, some people perform this ceremony "Khary Charhan". In this ceremony groom take shower front of relative and friends. The purpose of "KharyCharhan" is show off the body of groom that tells the people he is physical fit. Now this ceremony is also disappearing in Kot Sultan.
Before the Departure of Barat, women come to the groom home. They sing a song like "veer mara ghori charya", dance and cultural Jhumhar this ceremony is called Malee. All age of women participate in this ceremony and enjoyed.
One night before the marriage date grooms family celebrates a function at their home this ceremony is called "Jaaga". Usually folk singers are invited. The singer sings songs all the night this is called "Chooki". Friends of groom dance and cultural Jumhar with in a group perform again and again all the night. This ceremony is basically means wake up all the night. All music items are played like drum, piano etc.
At the day of marriage groom family send marry dress to bridles home. This dress must be red color and also give red shoes, red purse, gold ornaments, beauty clinic box and special dry fruits. These all things are packed in one big box. These items are called "warisoii". Normally this box brings groom aunties (Boa), sisters, and nieces to the bridle's home. These things purchase groom's sister and close relatives. Sometime bridal's mother also go for buying. Girls sing a song like
" warii jo Ghen ayae han : tu paa nazoo , tu handa nazoo"
"main takon ghenran aye han : tu aya nazoo, tu aya nazoo".
Baraat is procession of family, relatives, and friends of groom that accompany the groom to bride's home for official wedding ceremony .Baraat is the group of men and women who leave from the bridegroom's house to collect the bride from her parent's house. Groom is given warm welcome by the bride's family with flower garlands and rose petals .The group's departure, traveling, arrival at destination etc.; is a very formal event as relatives and selected friends are invited to accompany the family of the bridegroom (called Ghoote in Saraiki) to collect the bride (called Kuanaar ) from her parent's house. Prior to departure for bride's house, the guests are entertained with foods and drinks. The Baraat are traveling also on camels (Khachawa), camel trolley ( oth rahra), tractor trolley , buses and cars.
If the distance between the houses of Ghote-kuanvaar (the bridegroom and bride) is a little long, vehicles to carry the guests are arranged. Otherwise, everyone leaves on foot. Invariably a local band accompanies the group. When on their way the Baraati (participants) usually come to dance on the drumbeat.
The participants, on the Ghote head as well as the dancers shower coins and currency notes. The showering of coins and notes (wale watavan) creates a lot of enthusiasm particularly among youngsters. In such a journey females in form of a group travel separately. Emergency portable lights are arranged. The late addition to the details of Baraat ceremony is the use of video cameras as the still camera was in use for quite a long time at Kot Sultan .interestingly, women in particular staying at their home and not participating in the marriage hustle bustle try to watch the activity peeping through doors, windows or standing on the roof of their houses on the way. When the Baraat reaches the bride's house, the participants from bridegroom's side are entertained with different types of soft beverages.
Groom and bridle families celebrate and enjoy many functions. both family sing a songs, dance and cultural "Jumhar". In a groom function, bridle relatives avoid to join the function because of shame (Ghairat).but grooms relatives enjoy and chill all the night. Grooms friends dance and cultural Jumhar with in a group at whole night and the female side women make a circle and fasten their "doppatas" in their backs and dance. They feel happy and enjoy whole night.Jumhar is not a difficult activity it has no require special effort.Jumhar perform in this way feet put on the land and up the hands and make a "tarri" .female sing a songs like
" Dil tang tangy allah joray sanghy "
"sajnra da milna : muskil mahangay"
Usually drum sound is hugely increasing in this way "Jumhar" speed is also increased. This ceremony is celebrated at high level in these days. Other musicians are also play like drum, bean, shanaie and sing a Kafii of "Hazrat Khawaja Gulam Fareed" like
" Aya chunroo ral yar : peloo pakya ni "
"yar gaya ta wal na aya : pata na dasya khat na paya "
"aya mada dildar : aysan rakhya ni"
"aya chunroo ral yar".
Jumhar is very old tradition and beautiful and interesting. Full moon night it becomes more attractive. Performer of jumhar very enjoy and not control himself, viewers also not control on themselves.. Ustad Tadi mirasi tells us Jumhar has in many categories like "pahari, jhog, bharvi, kangra, darbari, nat, kalan,malhar,aur kalang etc.
Musicians instruments use like "dhol, ghara, yak tara , sarangi, alghoza, wanjli, bansri, tablaa and sharna etc".
With the permission of the parents, the Nikah ceremony begins the dress for bridegroom is the one provided by the bride's family.
After the bridegroom has changed the dress the Nikah ceremony takes place. Cleric (called Mouli or Molvi) recites certain verses from the holy Quran and lets recite the same by bridegroom, confirms the contents of arrangement from him by asking the question" such as such daughter of such and such is acceptable to you as partner?". The question is repeated and answered by the bridegroom thrice. Beyond necessary filling of the Nikah form (called Nikah Nama). The signatures or thumb impressions of both partners obtained in the presence of witness of the father, guardian (Walli) and two relatives. Mouli declares the successful completion of the process. Upon this the participants collectively congratulate the bridegroom and his family members. The friends and relatives put garlands made of flowers and currency notes around bridegroom's neck (har).
Haq Mahr amount is settled according to the bridle family custom. Haq Mahr amount can be increase or decrease according to the groom financial position. Sometime Haq Mahr can include land, gold ornaments and home. Bridle doesn't feel hesitation and careless about Haq Mahr and mostly bridles release the Haq Mahr duty to her husband. When women can't become mother then her family disturbs her husband about Haq Mahr.This problem can be solved according Islamic sharia law.
After the Nikha ceremony when bridegroom change his new clothes. Brides brothers left the groom and his "Sabala" to his home on ladies side this ceremony is called " Lavan".
A decor chair that reserve for groom sitting, when he came a mad stop his way because she present a crock off pitcher .She put the cork on the land, groom try to break the cork with the help of heel. After breaking the cork he award cash to mad. Groom always sit on the right side of bridle.
Palo badhai ceremony is performs the grooms sisters at the home of bridle. They fasten their doppata "Palo" with his brother's turban "Patka" and can't open this knot till brother pay cash to his sisters.
In this ceremony the elder women give some "Takkrain" to the heads of bride and groom (Ghoot and knwar) with each other .this custom perform between the Ghoot and knwar to Create love with each other and cash dropped on the Ghoot and knwar.This cash is collect by "Nivani" or "Mirasan".
In this ceremony mad (nevani) or elder women put the cotton pieces on the head of Groom and bridal. This custom is called "Phul cuhnran". flowers are the pieces of cotton .Groom catch these flowers to drop on land.
To perform this custom nivani shows a mirror to the Groom and bridle. The groom and bridle see faces of each other in this mirror. This ceremony is called "seasha Dikhaye".According to uncle Khuda Bux all these customs are performed by nivani other Kammi Kamoon for getting reward from groom and bridle families.
"Dodhe Pilaye" ceremony performs by bride sisters and close relatives. She gives a decor glass of milk to the groom. The groom drink one sip of milk from glass and give glass to bridle her also drink one sip of milk from glass. After this glass give to sabala and he drink all the milk.
In this ceremony bridal close her hand, groom make effort to open the close hand of bridal. Bridal friend suggest and advice that she will not open her hand. Sabala tell the way to groom how he will open. At least groom opens the hand of groom. After opening of her hand friends and relative enjoy. Basic purpose of this ceremony is groom proof himself he is powerful and bridal remove her hesitation.
Nafal Nemaz/Quran shareef Parhan
When groom free from lavan ceremony, he says prayers and some people recite the holy Quran. This is called NafalNemaz/Quran shareef parhan.
When groom start his prayer, bridal sister get his and misplace from actual place. If bridal guider "Sabala" take shoes of groom. But that time bridal sister and friends get easily shoes of groom. After prayers groom find his shoes, but he can't get his shoes. Bridal sister demand for cash then they will provide shoes. Sister in laws demand more money and Sabala deal with her. After dealing sisters in law get cash and return shoes to groom.
This ceremony is removed from our society. In this ceremony fat and old lady get date leaf or thorne, this thorn attaches to groom when he is sitting in lavan ceremony. Groom feels pain due to throne, normally Sabala try and care no body attach anything to groom.
After lavan groom and bridal family, relative's women come to stage and give cash that known as "Salam". Everybody give cash according to their financial position. Mother in law start, she give gold ring or wrist watch. Male side all body give cash to groom. Her father in law starts this activity. Mostly groom cousin write down the amount of every person because in future they will pay according this ratio.
In the marriage invites "Mirasi" drum master and entertainer to entertain all guests. In marriage party friends and relative give some money timely to drum master this is called "wail". In women side groom and bridal family also give money to lady drum master. And some money also gives those people that are working in both homes.
The Rukhsati (sending off) takes place, when the groom and his family will leave together with the bride. The Qur'an is normally held over the brides head as she walks from the stage to the exit in order to bless her. This is a somber occasion for the bride's parents as it marks the departure of their daughter from their home. The departure of the bride becomes a very emotional scene as she says farewell to the home of her parents and siblings to start a new married life. Traditionally, the groom travels by a decorated camel to the bride's house and after the wedding ceremony takes his wife in a doli (palanquin) to his parents' house to live.
The camel and the carts have now been replaced by cars, and in sharp contrast to western weddings, it is typical to see a quiet bride with wet eyes as she sits in the car beside her husband leaving for her new home. Family of bridal more weep and bridal also weeping because she leaves her home and family. Parents of groom give bail of their daughter will feel happy in their home and don't take tension because she is also our daughter. Family gives wheat in a basket that she put up on the land. That describe HameedUlfatMalghani in own words, she remove her food from this home. Father of bridal tell bridal now you are going, we will receive your funeral. UncleRamzan tells that bridal compromise with her in law house and never come back to father home.
Groom sisters sing a song like
"sakoon bahan banri di dhai hay : sara looke allah da sahai hay"
"javanien mahnra par kapandy kany: wajan dhool theaven shadmany"
"takon mamy badhan ghany : sakoon bahan banri di dhai hay" .
Surajy ghar pujanr
Seemingly they said activity should not prolong more than two hours but in reality as observed, takes four to five hours. The Baraat accompanying newlywed couple reaches back at bridegroom's house late at night. Many people have opted to hold Baraat in daylight instead of night. The reasons for said change of timing perhaps are the security threats.
Bridal never come down from car till car driver not receive cash that is called "mokha".
Munh Dikhaie is the ceremony of first time "showing of the face" after the marriage. When bride come to groom home the parents of grooms perform the ceremony of Munhdikhai and give gifts and net cash to his "bahoo" .after this the aunties and sisters of grooms see the face of bride and comments "Shala nazar na lagay", "chandar da tota hay" , "subhan allah" , "Mashallah".
"Muhaari Napai" is a custom which is performed by the bridle after comeback from his parent's home. She hold the door of his room and can't enter in the room till his father in law give some gift like "cow" or cash gift. Some people perform this custom and some people can't perform tis custom.
"Bacha chawai" is ceremony which is performed by the bridle. The bridle took the beautiful child and enters in his room. Malik Naveed explains this custom "God" give a beautiful child to new bridle in future".
Suhaagraat (golden night, maiden night of married life) refers to the couples' first night together and it occurs after the bride has left for the groom's house. On the day of the wedding, the couples' bedroom is decorated with flowers. It is customary for roses to be laid across the couples' bed. The groom's female relatives lead the bride to the bedroom and she is left for some time to await the groom's arrival. At this point it is common for the groom to stay with his relatives for a while. The groom may be offered a glass of milk during this time.
After the relatives have left, the groom enters the bedroom where the bride is waiting. The bride adjusts the edges of her dupatta so that they cover her face. This is known as 'ghoonghat'. It is customary for the husband to brush the bride's ghoonghat aside to reveal her face, as one of the first things he does on suhaagraat. 'MoonhDikhai', literally meaning 'revealing of the face' is a present that is presented to the bride by her husband on this night. This is generally a piece of jewelry such as a ring or a family ornament. On this golden night make a sexual relationship between each other. Somewhere a white cloth lay down on the groom and bridle bed where they intercourse. The reason of white cloth is to check the blood on cloth. This is a symbol of nobleness of bridle. Sometime if no blood on cloth then the bridle is known as a ethically, morally, and sexually corrupt. Sometime groom divorce next day to the bridle. This custom is performed by some "Jahil" people.
Post Marriage Customs
On the day of walima the mother of bridle give a breakfast meal and dry fruits to his daughter and for his son in law. This ceremony is known as a "MakharnrMakhii".
Invariably, the lunch offered to the participants called Walima, has become a standard practice at KotSultan. Walima has replaced two meal supplies, previously taken as integral part of marriage ceremony. The meals no more arranged offered were Jung and Aaga.
Walima Is Ceremony to Announce the Wedding To community and friends. It's a grand reception hosted by the groom's parents. Relatives, friends and community people are invited to the reception and wedding is celebrated with great fun and festivities. Walima is usually arranged at an open place (spacious house, community school) and served by the relatives of the bridegroom. Catering services available at nearby town are rarely availed. The friends present the gifts on Walima day, which used to be presented immediately after the Parna ceremony.
Interestingly, the researcher found that instead of commodity gifts, cash is given to the bridegroom. The bridegroom may directly receive the amount presented by the usual practice is that a manager appointed by the bridegroom receives the cash. Everyone depositing cash, is observed to be every keen in ensuring entry of his in the book kept by the manager. There is a representation system in operation in which instead of the actual invitee, someone else, deposits cash on behalf of the absent invitee. The bridegroom as well as his relatives do not mind the payment in absentia and continue maintaining relationship with the absent invitee depositing money.
The bridle stays six days after marriage in groom house. After this the brother of bridle, mother and close relative of bridle want to receive the bridle.Seventh day of marriage bridle go to his parents' home. All family members and relatives meet the new bridle and warm welcome at his parent home. This ceremony is called "Satowar".Normally after marriage the moon calendar is go to end then bridle to his parents' home before seven days if they not do this then called " Do Chandra" and this is miss happen in future. The groom mother and groom go to bridle parents to receive his wife and daughter in law. The family of bridle warm welcome and send his daughter with prays.
Saien Ashoo Lal Faqeer writes in his book "Chairoo Hath na Murlii" and shows some scene about satowara in his poem "Satowara".
"pahly wango , Jalien , pealoo, sub oven chit choor : akhaen chumda ooyha amri paikray, ooyhe Qissya , ooyhe retain , ooyhe chandr chakoor, par hik amri taday khaohain , main na hain hunr oaven "
Summary and Conclusion
Due to predominant endogamous marriage patterns , the NikahNama does not carry conditions laid down except the Amount of money (called HaqMehr in Islamic shariah law) to be paid by the bridegroom to the bride right after marriage and at departure of bride in case of divorce
Majority of the women get married much prior to the age at marriage as per legal standards i.e. of being eighteen years of age. The excuse is the non-availability or non-possession of NIC (national identity card) that the time of marriage.
Display of dowry in the form of Warhi is getting unpopular and in many cases discarded by the people hence seems to be a dying customs.
All items included in the dowry are usually sort of prescribed listing. The bridegroom's family does not insist on getting certain items from bride's family as dowry.
The Watta Satta marriages are known to have taken place without dowry.
Mangni is seldom.
Card invitation has replaced the invitation through messenger.