My father encouraged us to work out this great idea, because he knew one way or another we were going to make it. He saw great things for us, he thought our troubles would be over, for we had never earned a lot of money and we never had a permanent job before. This would be our opportunity to make our fathers dream come true. Not my dream. I was unhappy. I became an alcoholic, but I denied it, I deceived myself, for I grew up in a family full of self-deception.
We planned to see a former employer to lend some money, but only a few days later I realized what an unrealistic idea that was. When I went to that man, I stopped in the middle of the building and I saw the sky, the things that I love in this world. I asked myself why I was trying to become someone I didn't want to be.
I didn't want to be a salesman. All I wanted was out there. I loved to work outside, for example the farm work I did in the West when I was still going through dozens of jobs. I was a dime a dozen, and so was my father, but he didn't believe me. Therefore I started to drink even more alcohol than before.
It was only then I realized what a ridiculous lie my life had been. My father's illusions of success were just illusions and nothing more. Up to that moment I had spent my life trying to live up to a vision of myself that had never really existed. I was deceiving myself, and so were my brother and father. I never got anywhere, for my father blew me so full of hot air I could never stand taking orders from anybody. I realized it was time for change. From that moment on I became realistic.
Unfortunately, my father never did. He always believed he had been a great salesman. He had a dream. The only dream one could have, to come out number-one man. He was too driven by his own thoughts to recognize the real world. He wanted me to fulfill the American Dream, because he himself failed to achieve it.
He failed to achieve it, because he had the wrong dreams. He never knew who he was. He loved to work with his hands, but he denied this pleasure, because of his dream. He wanted to be a successful salesman, because he thought that would make him rich. He should have become a carpenter. That would have made him happier than he ever was. He never took this opportunity, instead he became very unhappy and thought he was worth more dead than alive. At the age of 63 he started a car and moved away at full speed. He never did that again, because during these few minutes he ended his life.
My father always believed the key to success was to be well-liked and to have a contract. Being popular meant a lot to him, therefore I believed personality always prevailed. Now I know these are all false values. Being popular doesn't mean a lot to me anymore. Being happy is more important, and I don't need a lot of money for that. I still remember the way my uncle Ben got rich. At the age of 17, he walked into a jungle and at the age of 21 he came out rich. Of course it is not impossible, but for someone to walk into a jungle with no skills, nor any sense of direction, there is no guarantee he will get rich.
Being rich is not the most important thing in the world. It is ones family that counts most. When I realized that, I stopped drinking alcohol. I hope you realize what a mistake I have made in the past. Luckily I have solved this mistake for myself. I am settled, I have a beautiful job, a caring wife and two lovely children, but I will never forget what has happened to my father and the way I reacted to it.
Therefore, stop drinking alcohol right now. Don't let alcohol dominate your life…