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According to John Gray, the two biggest mistakes men and women make in relating to the opposite sex: men mistakenly provide solutions and invalidate feelings while women give unsolicited advice and direction. (Gray, 1992, p.9) We can see an example of this in Whitty's text: in a female writer' s story in which Mark is the perpetrator and Jenny is the aggrieved, Mark says: '' She should not take it so seriously and worry about it because it was not a real relationship but a net relationship.'' (Whitty, 2005 , p.61) In this conversation, Mark's online relationship appears. However, he does not accept that he is a perpetrator. He invalidates his offline partner's feelings and begins to defend himself. For many women, invalidating feelings is a kind of disrespect. According to Gray's book: '' mostly men may not notice that they are being disrespectful while they are communicating. '' (Gray, 1992, p.91)
While men offer solutions inaccurately and invalidate their partner's feeling, women give unsolicited advice and direction. For example, in Whitty's text: '' Jennifer said: ' You are keeping stuff from me. How can I trust you if you keep stuff from me about the 'Internet' girl? ' '' (Whitty, 2005, p.63) In this conversation, Jennifer gives unsolicited advice actually. She exactly wants to say: '' Do not keep stuff from me if you keep, our relationship might end up.'' Despite the fact that she says it more gently, her aim is to give advice to Mark.
According to Gray' s book, men and women cope with stress differently. While men are likely to withdraw and silently think about what's bothering them, women feel an instintive need to debate about what's annoying them. (Gray, 1992, p.9) In Monica Whitty's text, female participant talked about their feelings in more detail. In stories which are written by females, you will find the description of emotions of the person who is betrayed and long dialogue sentences. For example, a story which was written by a female in which Mark is aggrieved, a female writer describes man's feelings in more detail: '' Mark is shocked, upset and hurt.'' '' Mark' s hurt quickly turns to anger. He becomes defensive to cover his hurt. He does not understand why he feels this way.'' (Whitty, 2005, p.64) On the other hand, a story which was written by a man, there is no long dialogue sentences in contrast he uses simple and short dialogue sentences. For example, in a story written by a man in which Jenny is the perpetrator, Mark says: '' Not happy Jen''. (Whitty, 2005, p.64) He expresses the aggrieved's feelings simply without any explanation why he is not pleased with his or her's partner's behavior.
As Gray says, women feel good about themselves when they have friends with whom to share their feelings and problems. Women want to explain the reason which cause problems and want to be listened. In Whitty's text we can see this clearly: '' Jennifer explains to Mark that the relationship is not romantic. '' '' She tried to explain that he was a faithful companion and the only feelings she had were not real. '' (Whitty, 2005, p.61)
In chapter 8 of John Gray's book, John Gray explains how men and women give the kind of love they need and not what the opposite sex needs. Men primarily need a kind of love that is trusting, accepting and appreciative. Women primarily need a kind of love that is caring, understanding and respectful. (Gray, 1992, p.9) This could possibly be explained why men and women have different expectations of love. '' When a man shows interest in woman's feelings, she feels loved and cared for. When he succeeds in fulfilling her first primary need. Naturally, she begins to trust him more.'' (Gray, 1992, p.87) We can see this example in Whitty's text: Jenny thinks that Mark cheated on her: '' began to question who was on the phone'' '' Jennifer tried to guess his e-mail password and checked his voice-mail messages. Eventually, it was mistrust, the belief of deceit'' (Whitty, 2005, p.65) In this situation, Jenny does not feel cared for, she begins to suspect Mark and for these reasons, Mark betrays Jenny's trust.
Women and men differ in many ways, not only with their physical appearances but also with different emotions and perceptions. These differences also create different kinds of love expectations in relationships whether the relationships are online or offline. Because of the gender differences, one individual perceive their behaviour as innocent while at the same time their partner perceives it as infidelity. In Whitty's text, Whitty does an experiment. According to the experiment, male college students were more likely to rate infidelity as more acceptable than women rated infidelity.(Whitty, 2005, p.58) For men, cyberspace is not a real world so they think that the online realtionship is not harmful. Due to no physical contact, men think they have not cheated. Whitty cites a previous work on offline infidelity '' women in current study focused more on emotional betrayal more than the men did.'' (Whitty, 2005, p.66) Most men think that emotional cheating is not a serious cheating . They may not think emotional cheating seriously like women do. '' Cheating is not necessarily physical'' '' Don't be mad. You are the one I love. So how is it emotional cheating.'' (Whitty, 2005, p.63)
In conclusion, Monica T. Whitty's text called ''The Realness of Cybercheating: men's and women's representation of unfaithful Internet relationships.'' explains to us that men and women have different perspectives on online infidelity. To understand the different perspectives of men and women, John Gray's book called Men are from Mars, women are from Venus helps us. John Gray talks about the gender differences in his book that explain us why there is a huge difference between the stories written by male students and female students in Whitty's text. In Gray's book, there are 3 reasons that help us to understand Monica Whitty's text: firstly, the two biggest mistakes of men and women, the second is how men and women cope with stress differently and the third one is how men and women give the kind of love they need and not what the opposite sex needs that help us clearly understand both the aggrieved and perpetrator in Whitty's text.