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I'm driving down the road on a highway in a yellow Sun Fire, bumping to the radio with three other friends in the car as passengers, looking down in my lap, not glancing at the road, when all of a sudden I look up and see a green car coming toward me. I swerve to stop an accident from happening. Close, but everyone is safe.
A year has past since I almost -- well, I don't know what could have happened. If I hadn't started paying attention we would have been gone. Be careful of your surroundings and what you are concentrating on while driving because you might just end up taking someone's life just like I almost did.
Ever since my incident in Hubbard, Ohio, I never talk and text while I'm driving; however, if I have to talk or text, I pull over to the side of the road or into a parking lot. I never would have learned that, if I didn't experience it for myself. I didn't want to drive for a month, and if I really had to, I would make sure my phone was kept away so I wasn't tempted by it. I also received anxiety from my situation. I would become anxious when I got on the road and a car pulled out in front of me, or if a car would just tailgate me. Not only did my personal experience help me learn, but it helped me think about others on the road, instead of worrying about the friend or person that I was texting. When I realized what I was doing, I also realized, if I would've hit that car, I could have injured my friends and myself. If that were to happen as an accident, that would've been something I would have to deal with for life. Secondly, it was not my car, so therefore my insurance would have risen, and my best friend wouldn't have a car. If you ever witnessed an accident or were a part of one like me, take it as a lesson learned. In my case, I did because I didn't realize so many consequences that go along with distractions while driving. It's a big responsibility to take as a teenager. A lot of teenagers would want to party, hang with friends, and be with their boyfriends; they do not want to be in a hospital under critical condition because of an accident that happened from texting and talking while driving. So pay attention to the road, and not your phone.
Talking and texting could be very deadly. I'm here to tell you, how we can save a life by cutting out a lot of distractions while driving. The top ten distractions that are caused by accidents are "eating, texting/talking, pets, radio, friends/family, moving objects, and lighting a cigarette" (Insure.com 16, 2009). These top ten distractions are the cause of the high rates of accidents. All of these distractions while driving are deadly weapons, and we as college student/adults don't really take it seriously.
There are three main distractions identified by (NHTSA) National Highway Traffic Safety Association: "Visual, Manual, and Cognitive. Visual- is taking your eyes off the road, Manual- taking your hands off the wheel and Cognitive- taking your mind off what you're doing" (UDT, pg.1). Dprimarily
drive with edare (fragment) using while driving: , you listed six
Drivers should avoid distractions while driving to prevent fatal crashes. Laws have been implemented; therefore, we would be at a lower risk for accidents, injuries, and deaths. The seven states that banned cell phones, found out that there were less accidents because they implemented the law (source?). Even if cell phones did become illegal, I understand we would still use them but they should be used for emergency purposes only.
It may seem like common sense handling and dialing while driving but it makes it less safe because your eyes are off the road. "According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration three percent of drivers are talking on hand-held cell phones at any given time. The NHTS explains that fifty-four percent of drivers who usually have a wireless phone on their vehicle, and seventy-three percent are reported using their phones while driving" (Lance, n.d. 2010, p.1).
Since technology has advanced in society, there are so many things we can use on our cell phones while driving in a car. One of the most commonly used are blue tooth's, (plural not possessive) which would help prevent some of our high accident rates. "Bluetooth is a known method for data that uses short-range radio links to replace cables between computers and their connected units" (Fitzgerald, 2006).<--this is APA These headsets are well-known in all cell phone provider stores, and they are less distracting because you don't realize they're on your ear.
"The state of Minnesota has an all out ban on cell phones while driving; the law says a "pProvisional driver may not operate a vehicle while using a cell phone". The other states will permit using a cell phone if it is not being held to your ear. Â Â You can still use a cell phone while driving if you use a headset.Â The wireless headsets are popular due to the new Bluetooth technology.Â With the combination of the Bluetooth technology in your cell phone and headset it allows your headset to automatically connect to your cell phone without any set up" (Wilson, Nov 4, 2005).
According to Officer Gary Fernandez of the California Highway Patrol's, he "investigated that 1,119 accidents during 2008, which amounted to an 8 percent increase over the amount 1,036 accidents investigated in 2007. is a word missing from the quote? Fernandez also stated the amount of accidents while driving under the influence rose in 2008 over the amount in 2007" (Aelusive, n.d. 1). Relevancy?
In Wisconsin within the last thirty days, they showed the statistics of each distraction with the percentage. Most of the distractions just cause injury, but some injuries might lead to death. Seventy-nine percent of teens listen to the radio, sixty-one percent of the drivers go over the speed limit, sixty-one percent driver's drive with no hands at all, and uses their knees, fifty-one percent of teen's text/talk, and forty-five percent eat and drink while driving. These percentages are very high for us teenagers, and it puts us at a higher risk than everyone else. The comparison to teenagers driving with distractions is worse than an elderly person that's on the road going twenty miles per hour. At least the older people are going slower to prevent an accident, but were going over the speed limit, because we're becoming distracted in the car. This isn't a good combination. Statistics also show that, the decreasing rate of distractions while driving doesn't slow down until we hit our fifty, because that's the age where they don't always have to use technology to communicate. in MLA numbers 20 and above are written as numerals unless they begin a sentence
In conclusion, I would like to say and hope we, as teenagers and adults, learned that distractions while driving can be, and are very deadly. Not only can it cause accidents, deaths, injuries, and fatal car crashes, but it can save someone's life. Or in my case, it saved my friends and me. However, the saying while your driving is, you always know what you're going to do while driving, but you don't know what the other driver is thinking. That's so true, you always have to pay attention to the road and others action, but you can't, if you're always concentrating on a distraction in the car that can wait. All it takes is a split second for your eyes to focus on something else, and it could be your last. I really hope we can stop being selfish and worry about others' that are on the roads, instead of ourselves. At times, we all take life for granted and don't realize what we have until it's gone. So hopefully we can focus on the road instead of the phone, because luckily I was saved just in time. I'm so blessed that God lifted my head up just in time, to prevent an accident, or maybe just my life.
Work Cited entries not to style
"Insure.com." The 10 most dangerous foods to eat while driving. Insure.com, 09-16-2009. Web 13 Oct 2010. <http://www.insure.com/car-insurance/driver-distractions.html.
Lance, Kim. "Cell Phone Statistics." NEWSdial.com. NEWSdial.com, Web. 13 Oct 2010. <http://www.newsdial.com/technology/communication/cell-phone-statistics.html>.
Fitzgerald, P. (2006). Are Bluetooth's headsets safe? <http://www.emfnews.org/are_bluetooths_headsets_safe.html>
U.S Department of Transportation. Washington: Web. 13 Oct 2010. <http://www.distraction.gov/stats-and-facts/>.
Wilson, N. (2005, November 4th). Legal and safe driving while talking on cell phone with Bluetooth enabled wireless headset. Retrieved from http://www.bestsyndication.com/2005/Nicole-WILSON/110405-Legal_and_Safe_Driving_while_talking_on_Cell_Phone_with_Bluetooth_Enabled_Wireless_Headsetl.htm
You chose a good case claim and supported it with a good variety of evidence. Your introduction and your conclusion work well together. I would have liked the conclusion to be shorter and less wordy because your last line is very powerful. This would have given it more focus.
Your organization could be improved by grouping evidence with each main point consecutively.
I'm glad to see you went to the Writing Center, and you improved your grammar and mechanics significantly. There are still some issues as indicated above, but, again, it's going in the right direction for sure.
The assignment required 10 sources to include a personal interview, which you didn't include, meaning the paper does not meet the assignment requirements. This is a significant subtraction from your grade. Also, you have gone back and forth between APA and MLA style.
Grading Rubric -- Persuasive Essay
Â Â Â
"D" or "F"
hooks the reader and provides necessary context.
clearly states a position on an arguable issue.
are relevant and clear. Word count dictates if all or most important points are included.
from a variety of credible sources is used to support each main point.
personal interview: none
are relevant, with all essential opposing points included.
fairly and reasonably counters each opposing point.
serves to further strengthen the argument.
wordy, but the last line is excellent
CALL TO ACTION
is reasonable, actionable, and made as easy as possible to execute.
WORKS CITED PAGE
follows the required style and is nearly error free.
At least 10 (10) sources must be consulted.
At least 7 sources must be cited.
You must include a RELEVANT personal, email, or telephone interview from a credible source (not a relative, friend, etc.).
At least four different genres must be used (i.e. book, journal, field research, website, online database, video, etc.). You may access sources on the Internet, however.
10 sources: 8
not to style
follow the required style and are nearly error free.
not to style
of main points, case claim, evidence, etc. follows assignment requirements and shows proper planning.
provide that sentences, paragraphs, and essay all flow naturally.
is almost free of interruptive error.
is almost free of interruptive error.
is almost free of interruptive error.
is considered in the selection of the issue, style, tone, and vocabulary.
LENGTH AND FORMAT
meet the assignment requirements. A paper that is too short or too long is penalized by the percentage of words over or under count.
Heading: not in format
works page not to format
OVERALL INTEREST FACTOR