Signs of an unhealthy relationship

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Maintaining a Relationship

     Are there times when you just want to get out of a relationship you share with your partner? If yes, then it is time for you think through thoroughly whether your relationship is gradually showing the signs of an unhealthy relationship. It's funny how many of us dream of falling in love and being in love forever. Whenever we seek for happiness, we would rather put ourselves to the hands of the loved one, hoping that they will provide that happiness we've always longed for. Since we are so immune to choosing someone similar to ourselves, we automatically expect that our partner should know what, when, and how to provide that happiness. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. Good relationships do not necessarily happen out of nowhere. It takes two people to put in effort for a relationship to work and by that I mean it should be based on caring and giving rather than by a need. We all must learn how to give to the other instead of expecting things in return. One person in the relationship cannot solely concentrate on him/her self and what would be important for them in order to satisfy their own needs. That would be selfish and love is not selfish.

     One problem that will affect a relationship is: trying to change the other person. There are so many couples out there that cannot keep their relationship steady because they are so caught up with their own lives that having someone hovering over them will not do. The person will either end up cheating, lying, or doing other reckless things so their boy/girlfriend would break-up with them. The whole reason why you choose to be with this person in the first place is because of who they are, not who you want them to be. Another problem is that: Men and women tend to rush things when seeking for a match. This can result in early marriage and divorce in the first few years. All the vows and commitment they promised each other has gone down the drain. In our society, this trend seems to be gradually increasing, that is why there are shows like “Jerry Springer”, which shouldn't be necessary if couples would commit to one another.

     Maintaining a relationship is a lot easier when put to action than written in words. It just requires a lot of effort and dedication. A man and a woman should take time before they become official “couples” so that they can understand each other better instead of rushing ahead. Having patience while listening to the other's problem is another solution that can easily avoid problems in the future. Every time you listen to the other person, you are able to understand deeper in their thoughts. Understanding their thoughts gives you a chance to see what needs to be fixed or prevented in the future. I remember when I had a boyfriend in high school that all the girls would go crazy over because of his social status and looks. In reality, he was a jerk that couldn't tell the difference between left and right. Not only was he unintelligent, but he would never listen to what I have to say unless it had something to do with him. All I remember about him is that he wore very nice jeans. My mom would always tell me “Don't tie your heart to a person who has nothing to offer you. You can convince yourself that you are in love, but is he really worth all of your trouble and pain just so he can have that happiness. You may say you are in love, you might even say he/she is the one, but is that enough to fill your need for love? You must let it go... it might hurt for a while but when you get over it, you'll find it is only for the better.” In the end, I realized that it takes two people for a relationship to work, and it felt like I was the only one that was trying. Instead of becoming a hopeless romantic, I decided to let him go, move on, and continue my search for the one who will complete my happiness.

Communication is the key solution in a relationship. Communicating doesn't necessarily mean you have to talk to your partner every moment of your life; it just means you should regularly share what goes on in your life, opinions, and your feelings, so that the two of you can relate better. Communicating allows people to understand each other much better while getting to know each other's likes and dislikes. There is nothing worse than having the feeling like you are talking to a wall. Someone who never listens or respects what you have to say is obviously not compatible for you. If you are in a relationship, speak to each other and be clear about what the issue is really about. You should always stick to what you're concerned about during the present time. You don't want drag up stuff from the past because it will just create more problems and grudges that will lead into a bad relationship. The best way to communicate is to get to know them as long as you can until you feel that the time is right.

     It is also very important not to try to change your partner. When you are in a relationship where you would always hope that the other person would miraculously change is unhealthy for both. Ultimately, you will end up disappointed waiting for the other person to change; while the other will get upset not being accepted for who he/she is. I recently ended a relationship with a loving and caring guy that I have been with for nearly a year. Personality wise, he was my ideal guy, but physically, he was shorter than me and that is what caused me to make a stupid decision that I ultimately regret. I can wait forever, but there was no way he was going to grow four inches over night. It took me 11 months to realize that I needed someone who I could look up to and feel protected within their arms. Every time I was with him I felt embarrassed because I was taller. Honestly, if I truly loved him then height wouldn't be an issue, but obviously I didn't love him and there was no way I could change him physically, so I had to end the relationship.

When you are ready for a relationship, ask yourself if you will truly be committed to this person or is it just another fun ride in the fair? Even though you may think a relationship is going smoothly, you should never take it for granted. There is still a lot of effort that you must put in to keep the relationship steady. People may say “If I take too long to know the person better they may not wait. He may leave me, and find someone else.” If the person is not willing to wait for you then they are not worth your time, because obviously, you were not worth theirs. If they do wait for you, then that just means they are willing to take the chances and be committed. You and your partner have to be patient in order to maintain a steady relationship. Another objection to communicating often with your partner might be: The person may get clingy if they spend too much time together or if they talk too regularly. If you feel that this person is becoming obsessive or clingy then it just shows that they are not the one for you. When two people love each other, it doesn't matter how long of a time they spend together, the only thing that matters is that, they are together. Talking to each other regularly is only benefiting the both of you, because you will eventually learn more and more things about the person. Some may be things that you can relate to and others can be great differences. All these principles can help you think more clearly of the decision you finally choose: Relationship or Not?

A really good relationship is priceless. Especially now that I am in college I tend to be more cautious of what I look for in a man. I would not say that I am picky, but I just have to be very careful due to past experiences. When I do get into a relationship I will always try embrace and maintain the relationship by all possible means. These solutions listed above can help you build trust and loyalty towards one another, which will lead to a better and stronger relationship. Once a relationship becomes very strong and steady, it might eventually lead to marriage, which is a bigger and longer commitment. Preventing and fixing the problems before it happens will allow marriages to last longer and remain secure. There is no reason why you would have a bad relationship if you would just confide, communicate, and be there for each other. If you try and follow all the tips given above, then there should be reason or force that can split you and your partner. For now, I am still searching for that “perfect” someone. Perfection doesn't necessarily mean he has to fit the description of my ideal man, but if I can learn to love his imperfections, he would make a great match for me. I just want to be the best example for many couples out there who want to know how to lead a long and beautiful life with their one and only.

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