In a primary school, a boy called John who is a primary six student. He is a sporty student in the school. He loves sport. He is the school basketball and football team member. He also joins a lot of activities organized by the school. However, his father is against John that joins too many activities because his father thinks that John will not have enough time to study. One day, there are only them in the home. John's father blames John loudly, in a high pitch, high rate and no pause is given. John is very unhappy and has a little bit angry at this situation. His father has much bad facial expressions such as his eye brows wrinkle together. Those wording taught by his father are 'Why you always play basketball but not study', 'Why you are so stupid'… When John wants to respond to his father, his father just interrupt John and continue his blaming. John just can say 'OK', ' Yes'… Moreover, John's father plans some ways to stop John from joining too much extra-curricular activities. It includes set up a timetable for John which indicates that when must finish homework. At that night, John's father thinks that the communication with John is bad today. He thinks that he should improve the relationship between him and John.
In the second day, John's father fined John to sit in a café. They are having a profuse lunch. Then, John's father shares his study experience when he is a student. He let John to express his feeling, planning…… At this time, John's father use different wording such as 'Maybe we can set up a timetable to balance the time spend on….', 'We hope to have a better future'. Also, John's father use different communication skills such as paralanguage, posture, facial expressions and eye contact. These communication skills can improve their relationship. Finally, John's father suggests some possible ways to deal with the problems.
There are three barriers include communication skills, value and age. The most important barriers is the communication skills. In this case, John's father uses the incorrect communication skills when talking with John. For example, the attitude and the use of wordings is negative. The communication techniques will be discussed later. The second barrier is the value between John and his father. John's father has a value 'Study is the only for student.' But John's value is 'Student should do what they like.' So, there is a contradiction occurs between John and his father. John's father thinks that study well is the basic role of a student. He thinks that if students spend too much time on extra-curricular activities, then the student will not have enough time to study. As a result, the academic result of the students will not good. On the other hand, John have different mind. He thinks that he is sporty and other extra-curricular activities. So, he just does what he likes. He thinks that if he does not play enough in his school time, then he will not have time to play when he needs to work in the future. Finally, age is the other barriers. John's father should have more experience when compared with John. John's father has tried different jobs and has a lot of experience. The decision making skills is better when compared with John. However, as John just a primary six student, he has not enough experience on making the best decision.
John's father and John use improper communication skills in the first day.
For non-verbal communication aspect, John's father use high pitch, high rate and no pause is given when talking with John. In this situation, John feels unhappy and has a little bit angry. So, John's facial expression is negative. As a result, there communication atmosphere is bad. However, in second day, John's father use low pitch, low rate and let John express his opinions. The most important is that there is respond between there communication. Lower pitch is more charming than the high.
Also, the loud voice will let the listeners feel afraid. Slower rate can make others feel believable than the fast. Moreover, John's father gives a pause time to let John to express his feeling. This can increase their interaction. Second, posture, facial expressions and eye contact are used effectively in the next day by John's father. He has a positive facial expression. He has smile during the communication with John. Also, the body language of John's father is positive such as shake his head up and down which means he is understand what John is talking. It is better for using body language rather than words. Moreover, the posture of John's father in the second day is not holding his arm and the body is place forward to John. This can give a friendly feeling to John and is an active listener. Furthermore, facial expression is important in a communication. In the first day, John's father looks displeased when talking with John. This shows the angry of him and has no smile. However, John's father always keep smile in the second day. For the eye contact, John's father has a neutral and positive eye contact in which John feel more comfortable.
For verbal communication aspect, John use 'OK', 'Yes' to respond his father. These languages are not proper in an effective communication. It is because the listener will have a bad mood during listening. Finally, the communication will stop and no interaction between each other. Also, John's father use direct language to against John. It is improper in effective communication. These direct wordings must avoid because this can increase the willingness of the listeners to continue communicate.
Social Exchange Theory
This theory states that rewards subtract costs is worth which affect peoples' willingness to produce different outcome.
As for John, he thinks that joining activities is important during his school time. Enjoying activities is the reward. But he needs to spend less time on studying may affect his academic results, which is the costs.
As for John's father, better future for his son and have a good relationship with son are the rewards. However, changing his attitude and improve his communication skills are the costs. He thinks that these are worth to do it.
Face- Negotiation Theory
In the first day, as John's father use improper facial expressions such as look displeased that makes John has no responding. However, it is completely different in the second day. John's father has smile and look pleased when talking with John. This can shows that John's father is concerning John. For face-saving behavior, John's father use indirect wording to insult John to avoid vulnerability. Also, John's father use facework in the second day. He suggests some possible ways to deal with the problems. As for approbation facework, John's father focusing less on the negative aspects such as continues blaming toward John. And John's father increases the praise towards John which is focusing more on the positive aspects. Moreover, as for obliging, John just responds 'OK', 'Yes' in the first day. This shows that John want to stop their communication. He just agreed with his father. Also, John's father just continues talking and no pause is given. This is dominating.
To have an effective communication, a good verbal such as no ritual language and non-verbal such as posture and body language can help. We can improve our communication skills by learning and knowing more about the communication theories.