The modern lifestyle has put a strain in the family. People have become workaholics busy trying to improve their standards of living and this has robbed them of time for bonding with other family members. The fact that time is not spent at home means that it is spent with other people like colleagues at work. Gradually a person who was very committed to the family gets carried away and finds himself becoming unfaithful to the spouse. Research has shown that infidelity is the largest cause of divorce today (Marjorie Louise Engel, 1992). What emanates from this is conflict in relationships hence estrangement or termination of marriages.
Children go through a difficult time after a divorce between parents. They are traumatized and confused because their love for both parents makes in difficult to bear the fact that both are not in agreement to a point that they cannot live together leading to them being identified as the biggest losers (Mark A Fine, John H. Harvey, 2006). This paper argues that divorce can have a positive side especially in the long run.
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One of the positive things about divorce is that children no longer have to get through the distress of witnessing fights or abusive language. This kind of violence is detrimental to the children because it creates bitterness towards one parent, the strong one, and sympathy for the weaker one. It does not go down well in their social life because some children indulge themselves in habits that are contrary to the acceptable social norms like drunkenness, promiscuity and drugs. Early divorce in this case reduces the likelihood of children growing up to be addicts or people who do not conform to the expectations of the society (Rhodes, J. Lynn, 1997)
Filing for a divorce and going through it is very difficult for both parties and especially for children. For a relationship that is cumbered with violence; divorce would be a wise move. Some couples are involved in physical fights that leave them wounded both physically and emotionally. In some cases children get caught up in the scuffle and have to bear the brunt of this. Due to the violence a parent may change their behavior and develop bitterness that manifests itself when handling children. For instance they may be very harsh to their kids and not be very good company. Children may grow with fear because of the threats they hear their parents hurling at each other.
Parents could be reluctant to go through a divorce with the aim of protecting the family. Most of them are usually willing to bear with the violence or an abusive relationship so as to keep the family together. Financial stability is another reason that would make a person opt to stay in an abusive marriage. Where for example the woman is less economically empowered than the man, she may opt not to accept a divorce owing to lack of income. The problem of such a decision is that it makes the partner have a low esteem and may go through a depression. They may feel like they have wasted a lot of time nurturing a relationship that was headed for ruins, and feel like they cannot recover the time lost since they are probably aged.
Getting a divorce can be beneficial because it creates an opportunity for one to heal and start all over again. Legally speaking it is unacceptable for one to be re-married if they have not broken the previous marriage. People are able to start a fresh while they are still young without necessarily having to wait till they are too old.
The positive side of divorce is also experienced by the children this is because their parents no longer live together and each seems to have more space in terms of finances and even time such that each of them would want to spend the on their children when their its their turn to spend time with them. One parent, when in custody of the child, will want to have quality time with the child so that they can maintain or even tighten the bond. The children then get a lot of attention that they would otherwise not have gotten. Their shopping is also increased because each parent does it irrespective of the other did.
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For example the aunties, uncles and grandparents may want to involve themselves where by they take up the responsibility of raising them. Siblings from a divorced family tend to have special ties that keep them together since that of their parents did not work. Kids from a divorce enjoy more birthdays or have double portion of celebrations in case of holidays because each parent feels obliged to entertain their children.
Divorce creates a sense of responsibility to the children because they find themselves taking up some roles that were usually done by the missing parent. This prepares them really well for adulthood such that later in life they don't get challenged. It also prevents the likelihood of children getting some bad habits from a parent like drunkenness, abuse of drugs and violent behavior such as wife battering.
It saves lives and sees to it that children enjoy the presence of both their parents though they may be separated. This is so because there are partners who abuse their spouses to death through battering or arson and other forms of violence. Where a relationship is ridden with violence it is best to quit (Huffman, John, 1998) .In Africa, cases of violence, where people chop off their spouse's limbs or literally kill them, are reported many times especially where infidelity is the cause. This has led to many children being orphaned or being left with one parent because, most commonly, in cases of murder, the partner who has murdered later commits suicide.
Divorce or annulment of a marriage should be taken as a last result because it works negatively on emotions of many people. Those most affected are the husband and wife, their children, relatives and also friends. Its consequences are not trivial because these are issues that one has to live with for the rest of their life especially where it has a negative psychological effect on children, because it can evolve to a mental problem. If there is absolutely no chance of reconciliation and divorce has to take place, all is not lost because it may be life saving or even time saving for the partner who would want to move on with life.
Marjorie Louise Engel: published 1992, McGraw - hill professional.
Mark A Fine, John H. Harvey: Handbook of Divorce and Relationship Dissolution published 2006, Routledge.
Huffman, John. "The Raw Reality of Divorce." Http://www.christiandigest.com/divorce.html. (19 November 1998).
Rhodes, J. Lynn. "The Effects of Divorce on Children." http://www.lrhodes.com/divorce.html. 1997.